One Last Name

A Girl Like Me

2011-01-24T21:08:00.003-06:00

This is a powerful video about standards of beauty among African American women.The doll experiment where young AA girls are asked to choose between white and black dolls is revealing but incredibly heartbreaking.

Just because she is SO cute :)

2011-01-24T12:41:00.003-06:00

Zene still loves making videos of herself singing--here is a link to a few we made when she first came home:
http://afamilyoften.blogspot.com/2009/01/videos.html
and here are some new videos!

Blogging Again, Soon :)

2010-12-10T17:32:00.000-06:00

But for now this is all I got!

If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning, torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.~EB White

Tips For Making a Beautiful Weekend out of a Tough Week:

2010-03-06T18:38:00.019-06:00

First, take your very best friend way out into the middle of the country to visit your favorite people in the world. Make sure you stop for ice cream along the way. If your friend is an international student from Guatemala, she may want to stop and take a picture of the crazy hybrid animal grazing in the fields of a suspicous looking farm (it appeared to be a cross between a cow, a buffalo, and a goat).

When you reach your rural destination make sure you are greeted by adorable kids who have cleaned their rooms, put on special outfits, and drawn pictures in preparation of your arrival. The rest of the night you are free to play basketball in the living room, observe a break-dance competition, sing spontaneous duets to your little brother in Spanish, and get your hair done by a pair of 5 year old hair stylists. At least 15 barrets and clips should be involved in your new look.

Your proud Ethiopian siblings will probably want to teach their Guatemalan guest all about their culture, so be prepared for a mini Amharic language lesson. The colors of the flag are a good start. Say it with me: aronguadey, biCHa, kai. You can continue the culture lesson with a BIG meal of injera and wat (with mango rice on the side).

After dinner head outside for a bonfire! Warning: you may grudgingly have to admit there is something good about your family's new location as you can actually see the stars. Eat lots of s'mores, but try not to sit on the package of graham crackers.

After you've had your fill of s'mores you should go put your pajamas on. This way the littlest kids will think you are going to bed just like them, when in reality you are going to sneak off to watch a movie with the teenage siblings. Even if you fall asleep before the movie ends you will have fun hanging out.

Oh, and make sure you take LOTS of pictures! This way, if you have another hard week you can look at them and remember how much you have to be thankful for.

It didn't take my parents long to figure out why Gloria and I are best friends--she takes almost as many pictures as I do!

Last step: Take the strength and renewed energy you got from the people
who love you most and store it up for the week ahead!

An All too Common Story

2010-03-01T19:32:00.005-06:00

My mom left this comment on my facebook page tonight. Unfortunately, getting followed in stores is so common for my AA siblings that I don't usually write about it, but tonight's incident was even worse than usual.

Just had the worse experience at JC Penneys Woodbury, MN.The security guy followed Isaac to the car and asked him to show him what he took. He showed his bag--school books only. So the security guy said he was banned from the store. I asked why and he said Isaac put 3 shirts in his book bag ...last week and took them out and left them in the fitting room.The security guy was awful. They wouldn't let us way into the store so they accused Isaac right inside the store in front of all the customers. It was so humiliating! The police showed up and threatened to arrest me and book me on obstruction because I was trying to help Isaac as they questioned him. And for blocking a fire lane because I simply left the car where the security guy approached us. And they said it had nothing to do with race.

I talked to Lacy (who was there when it happened) a little bit ago on the phone and she seems really shaken up. My mom has been in tears all night. It can be such an ugly world out there sometimes...

To Hell With Good Intentions

2010-02-24T14:56:00.001-06:00

Interesting reading:

To Hell With Good Intentions

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-15T16:07:00.006-06:00

Home is still where I see love in it's purest form:

Just Because...

2009-12-10T13:15:00.002-06:00

Here are some of the things that have kept me laughing recently...

My aunt bought this book for my family over Thanksgiving:
It is one of those books that looks like it is for kids but actually has a lot of sarcastic humor. I still can't believe my family lives in the country! When my older brothers and I were driving out there for Thanksgiving we drove passed a field with buffalo, llamas, cows, donkeys, something with long horns, and an unidentifiable animal that we could best describe as a bear-cow (it looked like it could be a Sesame Street character)--and they were all just coexisting in one field!! Craziest thing I have ever seen.

Zenebesh has had a lot of doctor's appointments recently at the hospital near my school, so Aaron has been hanging out with me at college during her appointments. He LOVES coming to school with me, and we spend most of our time watching the wrestler's or "working-out" in the weight room (Aaron wants to be a wrestler now when he grows up--last year it was basketball). The other day we stopped at the store for a treat and he insisted on getting a Naked Juice. I excitedly pointed out to him that the one he picked had protein in it and that wrestler's use protein to help them get super strong. He seemed deep in thought for a few minutes as he sipped his juice, and all of a sudden he goes:

"I feel like I'm getting stronger!".

Another couple minutes passed (again, he's deep in thought), then he looked up at me with a seriously concerned look on his face and says:

"Uh-oh, I think I might bust out of my jacket!"

He proceeded to ask if he could try and pull the lamp post we walked past out of the ground--I told him that just because he drank protein and all of a sudden has super strength doesn't mean he can destroy school property ;)

We had our DinoMight fundraiser the other day and Jesse spoke about how the trip he took to South Africa when he was a DinoMight participant inspired him to study abroad in Southern Africa in college. Somehow his speech gave the 4th grade girls in the audience the impression that he was famous. Afterwards they were all asking him for his autograph and wanting to take pictures "with that famous guy". One little girl ran up to me with the paper Jesse autographed and goes "He TOUCHED this!! i am going to save it forever!"
Talk about an ego-boost for Jesse.

0n Saturday night I was at my parent's house and we were all sitting around watching a Christmas movie when I overheard this conversation between Aaron and Tekle:
Aaron: I want a girlfriend for Christmas!
Tekle: What?? Eeew Gross!
Aaron: "Nope, don't even say anything, I already decided that's what I want!"

This is Zeni's first Christmas so she is just getting a hang of how everything works. Everyone is having a blast explaining all of the fun traditions to her, but it's a lot to take in. One of the first Christmas decorations the kids pulled out this year was the mistletoe, and Zenebesh thought it was hilarious to watch everyone run around trying not to get caught under it. She didn't realize that the mistletoe was any different than the other ornaments though, so she kept running around with the MN Wild ornament over her head, waiting expectantly for a kiss. Eventually someone explained that only the mistletoe has special love powers ;)

Tekle got one of those clever shirts that says "This is my dress shirt" for his birthday this year and the other day Aaron decided to try it on. After realizing it was way too big for him, Aaron goes: "Now I get why they call it a DRESS shirt!"

Hilarious kids.

The Gift of Each Other

2009-12-07T16:46:00.007-06:00

Moving is hard. Change is hard. But it makes me so happy that these two have each other!

Re-post in Honor of World Aids Day

2009-12-01T09:15:00.001-06:00

How to get involved for World Aids Day 2009:
Be sure to visit Lisa's blog for five ideas of things you can do to support people living with HIV/AIDS and to help stop the spread of this very preventable disease:

Here are some awesome local organizations to hook up with if you are in the area!
Open Arms of MN
Minnesota Aids Project

HIV can NOT be spread through casual/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging,

kissing,

shaking hands,

sharing toys,

sneezing, coughing,

sharing food,

sharing drinks,

bathing,

or any other casual way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles).

- HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives.

- People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do. If anyone wants more info on transmission, there is great info on the Center for Disease Control website

Quick Hello

2009-11-24T09:02:00.004-06:00

Since professors just LOVE piling tons of work on college students right before Thanksgiving break, I don't have a lot of time to blog--but here is a picture for any of Zeni's friends that may be checking back here for updates:
HELLO Biruk, Amira, Zerihun, Nes, Teklegn, Eden, and anyone else from KM!!!

DinoMights in the News!

2009-11-12T12:33:00.004-06:00

Yeah, we are kind of a big deal ;)
Plus, I'm on the screen for a split second right at the end which means I'm basically famous.

VIDEO CLIP

DinoMights Website
DinoMights Blog

Letters From an Inner-City Kid

2009-11-11T18:34:00.005-06:00

I read a really powerful essay awhile ago, so I thought I would share it here. Even if you don't interact much with kids in an inner-city context, it includes a lot of insight in it that would be helpful when working with any child who has experienced traumatic life circumstances.

From the Burnside Writers Collective [Note: This piece contains some contextual profanity].

To the caring and capable adult who wants to help me, but sometimes does not want to see me;
To the one who plays with me, and who shows me lots of fun, but then like a grandparent, sends me home again when I get too tiring;
To the one who faithfully comes into the neighborhood twice a week and never misses an appointment;
To the one who really does love me with all their heart, but who still recoils when I get too close because of my smell, or my runny nose, or my ringworm;
To the one who buys me stuff, even though I ain’t their kid;
To the one who reads books with me, and helps me with my homework, and mentors me, and comes to my court review.
This letter is for you.
Thank you.
I don’t say that very often, do I? At least, not in ways you hear. Even though I may not show outward signs of appreciation, you must realize how important you are to me. You take time out of your busy life to come and visit me. I am a kid you don’t know too well, and one you don’t fully trust, but you come see me anyway. You are not my mamma or her baby daddy, and the courts didn’t make you come here. So when you spend time with me, I know it is because you want to. I’m too tough to tell you, but I need that kind of care. I crave it. I love you for doing it.

But you got to remember that you and me are different, okay? You got to remember that there are some things that I know better than you.
You drive into my neighborhood to work, but I live here all the time.
That’s not a bad thing, I am glad you come to see me. But you got to remember that you’re the guest here. You are not in charge all the time. You don’t always set the agenda.
Long after you leave, I will still be here.
When you are waking up for work and drinking your morning coffee, I am dragging my younger siblings out of bed and dressing them and making sure they eat something so we can get to the bus stop on time. And I don’t wake mamma.
When you are sleeping in your bed at night, I am curled up in a trembling mass in the corner of a shadowy den hoping and praying that my new daddy don’t come home drunk again.
I know you want to help, but you got to remember you don’t make the rules.
I need to drive sometimes. I know I am a little kid, but there are some things that I know better than you.You forget that sometimes, but hey, nobody’s perfect.
I know you like to visit me, but I also know that I scare you. You come from somewhere different than me and you can’t figure out why I act like I do.

For example, when you give popcorn to the kid on my left, I want some too. Do I simply ask for some, or patiently wait my turn? You wish I would.
“Hey! No fair! Why does he get popcorn? Where’s mine? Gimme some!”
This is my default.
There is a whining sound in my voice that annoys you, or I sound angry and aggressive.
What I want to say is this: “The popcorn looks delicious. I would like to have some, please.”
But I don’t know how to say that.
You tell me I have poor manners. You tell me I am rude. Well, I don’t know much about that, but I do know that you are trying to rip me off.
At home, and everywhere else I go, the assumption is that I am going to get screwed. See, I live with my mom and her boyfriend, and he has kids of his own that he brought with him when he moved in with us. And my brother has a different dad too.
At my house, there are favorite kids. At my house, I don’t get a new toy just because my brother did. At my house, I get left out.
But my mamma doesn’t say anything because it might make Joey mad. So, at my house, I am on my own.
Then you come along, and you seem nice enough. But how do I know that there is enough popcorn for me? How do I know that you are going to serve me just like you served that other kid? How do I know that you won’t ignore me?
I don’t.
I don’t know until I can trust you. Because, even though I am here in a church or school or kids club, I forget that I don’t have to fight. I forget that you try to be fair.
So, I will demand popcorn if I have to.

I say “fuck” a lot. And “bitch” and “shit” and “pussy.” You tell me I am bad, but really I am just talking like everybody else.
You got stuff you say, and I got stuff I say. It’s not because I am dumber than you, it is just my language.
I need you to fight against something. You will be tempted to judge me based on my speech patterns. My informal register will cause you to feel intellectually superior, and my use of profanity will cause you to feel morally superior.
Battle those urges with everything you’ve got.
I need you to talk to me without lecturing. I need you to include me in discussions. I don’t need condescension, I need conversation. I know you’re convinced that your language is the “correct” one and mine is somehow broken. But Jesus speaks Ebonics too.

By the way, it is okay for you to talk your talk. I don’t mind. But don’t try to mimic me, because I don’t know how to respond to that.
I don’t need someone who looks like me and sounds like me. I don’t need someone more ghetto or someone who fits into the neighborhood.
I need someone who truly cares. I need the love that turns things upside down. That will be enough.

I like to laugh, just like you do. I want to have a good time. But I laugh at different things than you.
You laugh at clever remarks and ironic situations and cunning satire.
I laugh when I tease the boy next to me until he cries. He walks funny and his clothes are too big. (My clothes are too big too, but I crucify him for it.)
Then I flip open my cousin’s cell phone and show everybody an animation I downloaded for $1.99.
It is Scooby Doo having sex with Daphne.
I laugh loud and long so everyone around me hears. I pass it around because there is great value in being the entertainer.
You tell me I am mean and inappropriate, but I don’t know how else I am supposed to laugh. The only things funny to me are people and sex. And when I showed it to my uncle, he laughed too.

That animation on my phone is the best way for you to understand me. That animation shows the clash of two worlds.
Scooby and Daphne: icons of silliness and youth.
Graphic depiction of sex: a mysterious siren song beckoning me to the big people world.
I clash with myself every day.
I am a kid, a normal kid, just like in your family. I go through all the same phases and want all the same things. I am just as likely as your kid to beg for a toy or have a scary dream or cry when I don’t get my way. I am just as likely to bite my Tootsie Pop or enjoy Dr. Seuss or forget to tie my shoe laces. And sometimes I just need a nap.
But I am also an adult, a small adult, who sees the real world every day. I go through all the same phases and want all the same things. I may not understand it, but I am likely to be intrigued by sex and marvel over money and watch while my brother gets high. I look up to Scarface and I’m wary of police and I see through your lies about school. And sometimes I just need a drink.
I’m kind of schizophrenic. A half-kid half-adult hybrid. That’s why I can be vulgar and innocent at the same time. That’s why I will tell you of my sexual exploits in graphic detail and then ask you to blow bubbles with me. That’s why I will quote the movies “How High” and “Alvin and the Chipmunks” over dinner and laugh just as loud over both of them.

You might think I have no impulse control. You might think that I am overly emotional, or terribly dramatic, or blatantly offensive. You can’t figure out why I act like I do.
You feel like you can’t get close to me because I fly off the handle every now and then, or I am cold or hostile toward your sappy Christian advances. I’m totally inconsistent and you think I may be mentally imbalanced.

You know nothing stays the same? Ask me my phone number. I probably won’t know it.
Ask for my address. I might be able to give you the street name we just moved to.
Ask me who my parent or legal guardian is, or which of those kids is really my cousin. I’m not being rude when I don’t answer. I just can’t keep up.
And I don’t know if my mom will bring home groceries, and I don’t know if I will make it to middle school. I don’t know if I am safe in my bed, and I don’t know where my daddy went. The things I don’t know far outweigh the things I do know.
I can’t control what happens to any extent, and I have trouble predicting outcomes.
Things happen to me.
I don’t wake up and plan for my day. I wake up and brace myself.

That’s why I cry at the drop of a hat, and that is why I launch into manic fits. That is why, when my brother asks for help on his homework, he may start fuming and kick the hell out of something.
We’re wearing roller skates on a merry-go-round. We can’t catch our balance and no one is helping us up.
We are trying to climb the wrong way up an icy sliding board while the bully at the top keeps throwing snow balls.
We’re in a cage match with reality, and there is no way to tap out.

And so we do things.

Maybe you’ve seen those scars on my arms. No, not the cigarette burns. Those came from something else.
I mean the cuts. Those straight and narrow cuts that criss-cross all over my skin and make patterns like a railroad track.
They look suspiciously like I put them there myself. You wonder about it when you catch a glimpse, but it takes you a couple of weeks to ask.
Let me tell you about my day. Let me tell you about my day that is the same day every day, and how boring and tedious it becomes to climb out of bed. Everything seems broken sometimes, and I don’t believe it can be fixed. There is nowhere to go from here, nothing to do.
I am bored.
Boredom leads to apathy, apathy leads to numbness, and numbness is the enemy of hope. I am the walking dead and it doesn’t take long for me to yearn to feel something. I want to feel that little sting, that rush of endorphins, that cleansing release as I purge my body of pent up self-worthlessness. I feel something. And I am in control. I am causing the sensation and no one is doing it to me. I am causing the sensation and I can make it stop.

Leave me alone. Just leave me alone. Don’t talk to me! I hate you! I hate you!

I’ll run away and hide from you because you’re getting too close. I will say things just to make you hurt inside, and sometimes I get satisfaction in knowing you cried over me. I’ll cuss at you sometimes. I will jump out of your car and refuse to get back in, telling you the whole time that you are a liar who doesn’t care about me at all. Then I will walk home by myself in the rain, tossing the gift you gave me on the ground.
And I will watch over my shoulder to see you driving slowly behind me until I arrive safely at my destination.

I’m mad at you. I am not speaking to you. We both know that it’s not your fault, but I want to be mad at someone. I fume and vent, and you shrink and listen. You will try really hard in this situation, but I don’t want you to win. I want you to come back, but I don’t want you to win. I’m pissed.

I need you to be patient. Most people stick around until I lose my temper, or steal from them, or resist their love. They get tired, or hurt, or bored, or mad and I never see them again. When you wipe my spit from your face and search me out in the streets, I get it. Then I start to believe you. I’ll be baffled by your mercy and puzzled by your grace, and the yearning of my heart will be satisfied by your faithfulness. I’ll probably still act mad for a while, and I may teach you some new choice phrases. But I will also end the conversation with, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
So, thanks for reading my letter. I don’t know if you’ll understand what I am saying, I am really not that articulate. I don’t know how to express these things. Sometimes I have to wrestle with my tongue to make the words come out. But I still wanted someone to hear me out, to engage my opinions, to recognize my voice.

And I cherish you for doing that.

From the kid you want to work with, but keep at arm’s length;
From the child you pick up for church on Sunday and play basketball with on Monday;
From the one who loves your reading voice and wishes he had a dad like you;
From the boy who needs to learn to shave and the girl who needs a chick flick night;
From the 1 in 4 who is living in poverty;
From the one who is close enough to touch.
I’ll see you tomorrow.

Bring candy.

When the Kids Come to Visit...

2009-11-09T12:47:00.007-06:00

(The sugar that was in the cake you see all over Zenebesh's face may be an antecedent to the events that followed)

The other day my mom decided to drop the four littlest kids off at my house so that she and my dad could could spend some time together before he went out of town. He has been traveling a TON for work and they were in the city that night to drop him off at the airport.
Not unlike most evenings with my family it was fun, loud, and involved lots of music. My roommates were in for a treat since they hadn't been around so many of my siblings at once before ;)
When they got to my house, I had a chance to practice my listening skills as each kid simultaneously tried to catch me up on what had been going on in their lives the last few weeks. It's an art to be convincingly attentive to four people at once, but having a big family has given me lots of practice.
Once the most exciting of their stories had been told, Aaron and Zenebesh decided they wanted to play Ring Around the Rosie. They have created their own version to the game, which basically involves me sitting in the middle as they run around the circle singing like crazy. At one point Lacy thought it would be funny to stick her foot out and try to trip the kids as they ran by. This new element was enough to evoke Tekle's interest (since he wouldn't be caught dead playing such a 'baby' game otherwise), and he eagerly accepted the challenge to jump over her extended foot without getting tripped. Soon someone suggested that we bring out the broom to use as a hurdle instead of Lacy's foot. We came up with a game where each round we lifted the broom a little higher as the kids continued to try jumping over it. After while Tekle was showing off by doing extravagant flips and break dance moves over the broom and scoffing about how easy it was for him. The game was clearly putting Aaron and Zeni at a disadvantage, so Lacy and I decided to switch things up and do the Limbo instead. All of a sudden the shorter kids had the advantage (and we found out Zeni is an expert at the Limbo--who knew?) which humbled Tekle a little bit. He quickly decided he didn't want to play that game anymore and suggested that we have a break dance competition instead. We set up the speakers and after a slight reprimand from Zenebesh for not having the Hoedown-Throw-Down on my iPOD, the three littlest kids were dancing away and Lacy and I were cheering them on from the sidelines. I laughed as I repeatedly caught Tekle and Aaron sneaking glances at my roommate (who was observing us from a safe distance) after an especially cool move to see if she had seen it or not. After awhile our skillful dancers had worked up a sweat and the boys decided to take their shirts off. For some reason, that inspired Aaron to excitedly suggest "How about we have a Fashion Show?!" , which resulted in this impressive video of Aaron's runway skills...

And that is how a simple game of Ring Around the Rosie evolved into a night of craziness...

Never a dull moment with these guys!!

Update

2009-11-01T13:53:00.016-06:00

Thanks to both of the Sarahs for the gentle push to get me writing again :)

Where to begin?

Around the time I wrote my last post, my family went through a major life change. Since then I have been unsure of what to say on here. It's dangerous to write things publicly when your emotions are raw, so as tempted as I was to write a long, frustrated vent (my roommates refer to this as word-vomiting) I held back because I didn't want to hurt anyone. Now that a couple of months have passed, I hope I will be able to word this in a way that is honest, yet respectful of the people I love most.

Back in August, Lacy and I had an amazing week at the camp we go to every summer. I had gone as a counselor with the DinoMights and Lacy went as a camper.

While we were on the bus coming back from camp, I got a panicked call from my brother telling me that my parents were moving. To the country. In another state. The following Thursday.

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I knew my parents had been looking at houses, but last I had heard they were looking in our old neighborhood. My worst fear was that they would find a place in the suburbs, but it never even occurred to me that they would move to the country--let alone the country in another state!

First I cried. Then I got angry. I think the first thing I asked my mom was "Have you forgotten that you have black children?!" (harsh, I know, give me some grace). Diversity has always been a top priority for our family. It was a deciding factor in which schools and churches we attended, which programs we were involved in, and up until recently where we lived. My parents have always made sure that we were surrounded by a diverse group of people and to the best of my knowledge, my siblings have never been in a situation where they were the "token" child of color. My mom had spoken on transracial adoption forums about the dangers of raising kids of color in an all white environment, and emphasized how important it was to give them the opportunity to be involved in their culture. We had lived in the city all of our life. I was so incredibly confused! And scared.

Even after I acknowledged that the terrifying images running through my head of klan members attacking my siblings were probably not very realistic, I had other worries. What about dating? An AA friend of mine going to college in the same area my parents moved to had recently told me about all of the challenges she was facing in the dating world related to being an AA girl surrounded by white guys who had little to no experience in regards to diversity. That topic could be a post in itself so I won't go into detail, but it made me want to wrap my arms around my sisters and tell them to stay far away from boys out there! I've heard multiple white girls from rural communities tell me that they would be nervous to introduce a black boyfriend to their dad. Is that going to be a problem when Tekle and Aaron start to date? How will they feel being one of the only kids of color in their schools? Will Zeni know her hair is beautiful even though it's very different than the rest of the girls who will go to school with her? Will the kids lose their ability to navigate cross-culturally?

Now I know that there are tons of very nice people who live in the country.People who are doing incredible things and making the world a better place. People who would never do anything to hurt my siblings and would welcome them into the community with open arms. I know that not everyone who lives in the country is ignorant and that there is plenty of racism in the city as well. I just think that they are more likely to run into problems in a place that is so homogeneous that there isn't a pressing need for dialogue and education on issues of race. Yes, I know that my brothers and sisters will have an opportunity to educate and break-down stereotypes. Heck, just by moving there my siblings brought the diversity level of the town up by .06% It's just that they never really volunteered for that, you know?

On a more selfish level, I was having a really hard time with the thought of them being so far away. I was used to spending time with them daily. I feared that I would become more like an aunt that visits once in awhile than a sister. I knew that I would miss them like CRAZY.

Fast forward to today: The kids are adjusting. They are in school and making friends. They often talk longingly about how they miss the way things were before, but they are making the most out of the situation. To be honest, they are handling this much better than the way my older brothers and I reacted the last time my parents decided to move. Lacy is taking horse-back riding lessons and loving it. My mom is able to stay home full time with Aaron and Zeni. Isaac is still going to the same performing arts school, and is enjoying his senior year (even though it is another state, it's just 45 minutes from the city so he is able to commute).

I try to make it out there to see them once a week, but because of school sometimes I can't. My role as a sister has definitely changed. It hurts to see the kids getting used to not having me around, but the alternative to that would be them being sad and missing me which I certainly don't want either. I miss family dinners. Janaya's facebook status on her birthday said that her day would have been better if she could have eaten dinner with all of her brothers and sisters like usual, and I couldn't have agreed with her more. There have been days where I wanted to rush over to my parent's house and share an exciting piece of news or "word-vomit" (haha I'm really enjoying that term)about one thing or another, but phone calls have had to suffice. I miss having them close-by.

I have had to come to terms with the fact that even though I don't like the situation, it is what it is. I can continue to fight it, but what's the point? I don't want to be mad anymore. I know my parents are trying to make this easier on us. For now my Mom and Janaya come back to the city for church on Sundays. They are willing to spend lots of time driving so that the kids can continue see their friends here. They even had Lacy's old hockey team over for a bonfire and fireworks the other day.

People are dealing with circumstances much harder than this all over the world (like the food shortage in Ethiopia for example) so I try and keep things in perspective. My siblings are clothed, fed, and loved. Things are different, but we will figure it out. That's what you do in a family.You face the hard stuff together and you find ways to make it work. I don't need to love their decision but I need to love them in the midst of it. I still have the coolest family in the universe and I know we are going to be okay.

I had considered continuing to post without ever bringing up the subject of my parents moving, but something felt dishonest about that. It was basically quit the blog or tell the truth. Initially I had decided on the first option which explains the lack of posts over the last few months, but then I started to really miss blogging. This blog has been sort of a family journal and it would be sad to just abruptly end it like that. So there you have it! The truth. It's nice to be back :)

More on Hair

2009-07-30T12:27:00.011-05:00

Top from L to R: Jessica, Marika, Brittani
Bottom: Me, Carmen, Jackee

First off, let me say that I LOVE my friends!
I met each of these girls during different stages of life--Brittani and I have known each other since kindergarten, Carmen and I have been best friends since middle school, Jessica and Marika and I were friends in high school, and Jackee and I met in high school but didn't really become friends until college. Last night some of us were hanging out at my house and the topic of hair came up. It was really interesting to hear what everyone had to say. The girls gave me permission to share some of it here.

The conversation started because we were joking around about what our dream guy would look like. Marika and Jessica both mentioned that they wanted to marry either a white or a light-skinned guy and one of their reasons was that they wanted their kids to have "good hair".
Right away Brittani went off about how she hates that term. Her mom is a hair stylist and whenever someone walks into her shop saying that, she quickly corrects them and says there is NO SUCH THING as "good hair". No one outright says that someone has "bad hair" but the implication is there when nobody is saying that you have "good hair". Brittani said she wants to marry a dark-skinned man and have children with "beautiful, thick, nappy hair". She said that when she hears other black girls wanting to have mixed children with long hair, it sounds like a form of self-hatred since that's not what their hair looks like. Her comments seemed to strike a chord with Jessica because she started telling us about how growing up she always felt like the "dark skinned girl that nobody liked" because guys always fell for the biracial girls. It made sense why she hopes to have mixed children someday--she doesn't want her kids to have the same hurtful experiences she did as a young girl.
They then went on to talk about how they felt judged no matter how they did their hair growing up.
People would always run up to touch Jessica's hair and ask if it was real because she had naturally long hair and people aren't used to seeing that on black girls. In school some girls would be mean to her because they were jealous of the length of her hair.
They also talked about the comments people would make when they got extensions or weave. I definitely remember being in school and hearing kids tell girls their hair was "unbe-weave-able" and then laughing hysterically.
Brittani said she would get made fun of when she was little and still had her hair in braids (because her Mom wanted to avoid chemicals as long as possible) while everyone else was getting perms.
At the same time I know that some women who decide to keep their hair natural all of their life judge girls who get perms, saying that they are 'selling-out' or trying to look white.
It seems to be a catch 22...
What I absolutely LOVED about this conversation was that it showed two sides to the story. It was clear that Jessica and Marika had been hurt by the negative perceptions of their hair and skin-tone over the years and that it is still something that affects them today. Yet Brittani seemed to handle things differently. She definitely heard the hurtful comments when she was growing up, but it was obvious that her Mom had instilled so much pride into her that she was able to handle the negativity a lot better. She was raised to believe that her hair was beautiful exactly the way it is and to have pride in the way she looks. She spoke with so much confidence during this whole conversation that the other girls really seemed to listen and soak up what she was saying. She stressed the importance of seeing the beauty in ALL types of hair and not creating a hierarchy of 'good' and 'bad' hair. That's the type of self-worth I hope my little sisters grow up with. Because it's not just about hair. It's about self-esteem and being proud of who you are and where you came from. I think I might suggest to Janaya that she starts hanging out with Brittani at her Mom's hair salon :)

I figured that since I put up a picture of us in sweats I should probably put a cute one up too--Carmen is missing though...

Lacy

2009-07-28T13:38:00.003-05:00

I think that everyone should go and read this super sweet post that Leah wrote about Lacy :)

Hair

2009-07-21T12:47:00.004-05:00

Two days with new blog posts in a row, I am kind of proud of myself :)
Tekle and Zeni both have new hairstyles this week.
Zenebesh always insists that she wants her hair to look just like Janaya's. The problem with that is that Janaya's hairstlye looks beautiful on a teenage girl who can keep it looking good on her own, but it is not very practical for a toddler who likes to play outside, swim, and do all kinds of other activities that are hazerdous to a style like that. So to make everyone happy we showed Zeni pictures of Janaya with the box braids she always had when she was little and all of a sudden Zenebesh was thrilled to have her hair braided. Problem solved :) My mom and I worked together on her hair and she was happy to realize that she is still a faster braider than me--I tell her it's only because she has YEARS of experience! Lacy actually helped us too and Zenebesh kept asking "Why is EVERYBODY doing my hair?!"

Tekle has been asking to get his hair done for ages. Believe it or not, Isaac is our resident hair-stylist and he started the process to dread Tekle's hair. Right now they are just twists but he looks ADORABLE.

And I have a whole team of hairstlyists in the house for my hair as well--aren't you jealous??

Summer Blogger

2009-07-20T19:50:00.007-05:00

I've noticed that a lot of people's blogging frequency drops significantly in the summer. I'm clearly no exception!
To make up for my lack of words, here are a ton of pictures from our vacation up North. As much as I adore the city, it's nice to get away and enjoy a change of scenery once in awhile :) We had a great time!

Be Back in 15 Days

2009-06-15T13:34:00.009-05:00

I leave bright and early tomorrow morning to go visit the kids at Miracle Ranch! Miracle ranch is a children's home in Valle de Las Palmas, Mexico.

I first learned about Miracle Ranch through my youth group, and ended up making two trips there during high school. Once I started college I began going down there on my own and last year I spent my entire summer at the ranch. I go back every chance I get and keep in touch with the kids through letters/pictures, but I haven't seen them since November and am beyond excited to think that we will be hanging out within 24 hours!!!

I don't write a whole lot about MR since this is mainly a family/adoption blog, but is hard to leave it out completely when it is such a huge part of my life. It's difficult to even talk about it--I feel like I don't do the kids justice when people ask me to tell them about my time there. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. The ranch is a place where I have spent the most painful moments of my life as well as some of the most joyful. I have seen the absolute best of humanity and some of the worst. I have held kids as they sobbed within hours of being removed from their families, I have put healing oil on the wounds of a little girl whose grandma forced her hand into boiling water as a punishment, I have broken up fist fights between kids barely old enough for kindergarten, I have nursed them through the flu, I have listened to a seven year old girl order me not to love her and insist she didn't want anyone to love her, I have read kids their first bedtime stories ever, I have been asked more times than I can count why I can't be their Mom, I've been kicked, hit, bitten, and spit on, and shortly after those same kids hold my hand and ask me never to let go. They have taught me a deeper definition of love--the kind that doesn't come easily and actually grows through the painful moments. They have comforted me when I needed it most and given me words of wisdom that could only come from someone who has had to be depend on resilience to survive. They have challenged me, humbled me, and most miraculously of all, they have let me in and loved me back despite the fact that in their world the people who love you always leave. And I leave too. But I will always go back--they are a gift in my life that I'm just not willing to let slip away.

Recipe

2009-06-08T16:26:00.008-05:00

A few of you asked for the recipe to my birthday meal, so I thought I would post it here for everyone to see. We don't have a super creative name for it--when I ask for "rice" my Dad knows what I mean.

Disclaimer: This dish is different every time! My Dad is always switching up the ingredients and playing around with the recipe, so this is just how he made it last time. Also, all of the times are estimated, so keep an eye on things as they cook. Almost all of the ingredients are optional and it's easy to add new things so feel free to be creative with the recipe :)

Ingredients:
1 lb uncooked medium grain white rice
50 oz can of Chicken Broth
2 TBS Olive Oil
1 Onion
1/2 Poblano Pepper
1/2 Dried Ancho pepper
1/2 Red pepper
3-4 sprinkles of red pepper flakes
(if you are looking for a more mild alternative banana peppers taste great in this too)
1 1/2 TBS of berbere
12 oz ground Chorizo sausage
1 Can of black beans
4 cobs of corn (my Dad takes the corn right off the cob, but canned/frozen would work as well)
1 Mango
1 tsp Chili Pepper for Fruit
1/2 lime
Cilantro

Steps:
1. Cut up mango into small squares and marinate it in the Chili Powder. Put it aside and let it marinate for about an hour.

2. In a separate pan saute onions, peppers, berbere, chorizo sausage in olive oil.
3. Add 3 cups of the chicken broth and 1 lb of uncooked rice. Continue to add chicken broth as it starts to dry out. Let simmer for between an hour/hour and a half until the rice gets tender.
4. Add corn, beans, and mango, then put it all in the oven to bake for about 1/2 hour at 400 degrees.
5. Squeeze 1/2 of a lime into the mix for flavor, and decorate the top with cilantro.
6. SERVE!!

Birthday!

2009-06-06T10:17:00.006-05:00

I get sick at very inconvenient times. Like vacations and birthdays. A bunch of people I know have been sick with different things lately and I somehow got a combination of all of their symptoms! I've had a fever, a cough that is burning my chest, a sore throat, stuffy nose, and I'm losing my voice...bleh.

I still managed to have a very fun birthday though!

My Dad made my my favorite food ever for my birthday dinner. Chicken and spicy rice with berebere, cilantro, lots of peppers, fresh corn, black beans, and MANGO :)

Lacy made me a really amazing cake. It was half chocolate (with purple sprinkles of course) and half whip cream/strawberries.

Tekle was trying so hard to make a mustache for himself out of those little wires.

I'm actually only pretending to blow out the candles here--I didn't want to infect Lacy's beautiful cake with whatever I'm sick with. The kids kindly stepped up and blew them out for me though!

And in case you were worried, even though this blog is about my family I DO have friends and we had fun too :)

LOVE this!!

2009-06-01T15:42:00.000-05:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/whitehouse/3532376714/

Blossoming

2009-05-30T23:17:00.013-05:00

Can I just say how much I LOVE having a little girl in the house? Zenebesh plays with dolls, dresses up her teddy bears, has tea parties, wears pretty princess dresses, and loves to be held and cuddled. She also wrestles with the boys and searches for caterpillars. She has a a big attitude but an even bigger heart and is so loving and sweet. The other night I hurt my shin playing softball and she got really concerned. She kept asking how I was, giving me hugs, and saying how 'mean' the man was who hit the ball at me (although it really wasn't his fault). She is LOUD and will often laugh so hard that tears start coming out of her eyes. She keeps the rest of us laughing too. Her facial expressions, her bossiness, her assumption that she runs things....it can all be absolutely hilarious. She loves to sing and thinks that that the lyrics to the song "Sing Hosanna" are actually "Sing Oh Zena!". If she doesn't see me for a day she'll call and demand "You come MY HOUSE!" and won't hang up until I agree. These are the kind of things you can't learn in a referral or social report. We've come so far from those simple descriptions of "Quiet" (HA!) and "sweet". Discovering the real Zeni has been incredible and the journey's just begun :)

Summer Carnival :)

2009-05-18T17:50:00.014-05:00

I think this is one of my favorite pictures in the entire world. It's such a happy picture of three of my favorite boys! Tekle and Edward (the little boy I tutor through Dinomights) are such good friends. It is so sweet to watch them play together and even though Edward is a couple years older they get along really well. I love how they spontaneously throw their arms around each other's shoulders :)

Janaya and Zeni enjoying the nice weather. I have some gorgeous sisters don't I?

Janaya fearlessly racing against the boys...

Edward racing Aaron :)

Lacy, Nancy, and Lucy. I feel like there are a bazillion pictures of these girls in the world. They haev been friends FOREVER.

Zeni happily played with my scarf while the speaker was talking. She LOVES scarves. Anytime I wear one she takes it off and wraps it around her head or else asks me to use it as a carrier to hold her on my back. At one point the man who was speaking mentioned something about fasting, and Zeni got really concerned. She said "NO food?! NO water?! SAD!" and looked like she was about to cry. It's hard to explain choosing not to eat to a little girl who most likely has experienced plenty of involuntary hunger in her short lifetime...

Oh these boys :)

Sweet Lydia

And what's a summer carnival without street hockey?? Here's the faceoff. Little Zaire doesn't seem intimidated at all.

Edward and Tekle were the cutest goalies ever--they were competing against each other though!

Lacy and Edison

A Perfect hockey pose :)

Janaya, her BFF Adelle, Aaron and Zeni.

All SMILES :)

This is Isaac's "Oh my gosh Kelsey, I can't believe your taking a picture of me and my friends" face. For the record I knew Paola (middle) before him and she seems happy to be in the pic :) Notice Isaac is sporting his Ethiopian shirt!

The band

Kathy and Charlene and the stylish ice cream truck...

Zaire

Summer is here!!!

Mother's Day!!

2009-05-11T14:53:00.008-05:00

There are SO many reasons why I love my mom. Here are just a few:
*She has a HUGE heart
*She makes me laugh :)
*She takes me out for hot fudge when I'm sad.
*She breaks the stereotype that kids in big families don't get enough attention. It is clear that we are her #1 priority and I have NEVER felt like she doesn't have enough time for me.
*She likes Beyonce
*She loves my Dad A LOT, and I have always had the rare example of a strong marriage to look up to.
*She knows me REALLY well and loves me anyway :)

Jesse was very proud of the artistic drink he made for my mom :)

Our Kids

2009-04-27T12:11:00.025-05:00

So there's this school. A public school. Let's call it Murroughs Elementary for the sake of anonymity. It has some of the nicest facilities in the city, including a state-of-the-art media center, a double-sized gymnasium, and a beautiful performance space. They recently raised over $90,000 in a book sale. Student's test scores at this school tend to exceed both district and national averages in reading and math. 72% of the students in this school are white despite the fact that white students make up only 30% of the district in general. A mere 6% of their students are African American even though African American students make up about 40% of the district. Native American students make up 1% of the school's population, Latino students make up 18%, and 4% of the children are Asian. The neighborhoods that this school serves are some of the wealthiest in the city. You know, the "good" neighborhoods.

Recently our district has been considering some major changes. They are thinking about adjusting the boundary lines that assign kids to particular schools in order to save money and also to integrate schools that have become incredibly racially and economically homogeneous. In a recent article about school segregation in the United States Matthew Bigg wrote: "the average black and Latino student is now in a school that has nearly 60 percent of students from families who are near or below the poverty line"(source) The article also mentioned that "39 percent of black students and 40 percent of students from the fast-growing Latino minority are increasingly isolated in schools in which there is little racial mixing".
To be honest, that seems like a modest statistic for me. Most of the kids who participate in Dinomights go to a school that is only 1% white and where 96% of the kids are economically challenged enough to qualify for free or reduced lunch. At Murroughs Elementary only 20% qualify.

Now when Murroughs Elementary heard that their borders might be modified, the school community had a panic attack. All of a sudden, they were faced with the threat of having to open their doors to "those kids". You know, those kids who live in 'bad' neighborhoods. Those Kids who speak languages like Hmong or Somali. Those kids who are poor. Those kids who are Muslim. Those kids who are black. Those kids who are 'ghetto'.

Of course, these politically correct parents didn't use the same language I did. They are much too liberal, open-minded, and progressive for that. They simply stated that their school would prefer to focus on the demographics they already have. They don't need to diversify any further because they have a program for Spanish speaking students, right? They have stepped far enough outside of their privileged white bubble, how could the city suggest mixing things up even more?!

Someone on the school board allegedly accused the school principal's position on the new policy of being racist. Uh-oh, he used "that" word. He "pulled the race card". Can you imagine the Murroughs Elementary parents NOW?? I mean, they have Latino students so they are clearly not discriminatory people. Heck, most of them probably even voted for Obama!
The first thought that came to my mind when I heard about this situation was that it was a modern day Little Rock Nine scenario. No, there is not an angry mob picketing outside the school, yelling racial slurs, and spitting on African American students (although there is certainly an angry mob of parents). But the message is the same. Keep those kids separate. Put them in their own school. Separate but equal! Sure, give them same amount of resources as you give us (we will be able to raise above and beyond whatever the gov't gives us anyway). Those kids will take away from the quality of my child's education. They are too different.

There are many things I love about the United States but our individualist attitude is killing us. Why can't it be our kids instead of those kids? Why can't some of the parents in this country who advocate for their kids to the point of excess share some of that advocacy with the underrepresented students in our schools? Life does not just revolve about you and your family. There is not an unlimited supply of resources on this planet. Your abundance directly affects another person's deprivation whether you choose to view the connection or not. If you need a selfish incentive, just remember that Those kids are going to be a part of the same adult community as your children. Isn't that enough of a reason to have a vested interest in the education of ALL of the kids in this city?

Those kids have names. Those kids are smart. Those kids have something to teach your children. Those kids have gifts and talents that will enrich your school community. Those kids need advocates. Those kids need people to walk along-side them. Those kids need to know that they are in a good school. Those kids need to be expected to succeed and given the resources to do so.

Your kids need to be exposed to wider demographics. Your kids have something to learn from children whose background is different from their own. Your kids need to learn not to fear. Your kids need to work alongside those kids as leaders in breaking down the racial and economic inequalities that are plaguing their world. Your kids need to know that despite what society subconsciously tells them, they are not better. Your kids need to share. Your kids need to know the poor--not by volunteering at a homeless shelter on Christmas when class lines are so visibly defined, but through genuine and personal relationships.

Let's combine these categories and embrace all children as ours and recognize the value and potential of each and every kid in this community. Let's get to know people and hear their stories. Let's acknowledge the invisible bat of privilege that white people are carrying around (it's especially dangerous when you don't know you are holding it). Let's get excited about educating our kids and share the *joy* of learning with all students! Let's realize how deeply injustices in education, housing, employment, and the environment are connected. Let's be realistic and face the complicities of race and class head on. Let's be vulnerable and honest in our effort to move forward. Let's SEE the overlooked children and empower them to take charge of their education. Let's do justice.

Related Link:
http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSTRE50D7CY20090114

It Doesn't Just Happen to Adoptive Families

2009-04-25T13:23:00.007-05:00

Tekle, Aaron, Zenebesh and I were walking back to my house from the park today and a man walking by casually mentioned "Wow, you've got your hands full! You're baby-sitting on a SATURDAY?" I laughed and said that I wasn't technically baby-sitting because they were my brothers and sisters. The man replied: "Oh cool, you volunteer for Big Brothers/Big Sisters?"
"Mmmm nope, they're really my brothers and sisters!" I wasn't offended because I am well aware that we don't exactly look like siblings and I don't expect people to automatically figure out that we are an adoptive family. We talked a little bit more and then the man continued walking. A few minutes later though he turned around and said "You know, I wanted to come back and apologize for what I said about you baby-sitting. I have an albino daughter and people ask me all the time whose kid I'm watching [he's African American]. It drives me crazy!"

I was caught off guard by his apology but I thought it was really cool. We sympathized with each other about how frustrating it can be at times to not be immediately acknowledged as a family. I know people's comments don't stem from bad intentions or anything, but it was nice to vent a little bit about the constant need to explain how we are related.

I think it was cool for both of us to talk to someone who "gets it" and I was reminded of the wide range of families out there--We are certainly not the only ones who stand out!

On a similar note, last week I was helping Leah do childcare for an Ethiopian kids playgroup and I brought Zeni along. When we got there one of the little boys asked me in a really surprised voice: "That's your sister?! But why are you so much bigger than her??" I laughed because the fact that she's Ethiopian and I'm not didn't phase him a bit, he just couldn't grasp the age difference between us :)

Stories of the Week

2009-04-18T18:29:00.003-05:00

So the other day after I asked Lacy about the demographics of her friends (after I interviewed Isaac for his post) and she answered:
Do you want me to NAME all the countries my friends are from?! Somalia, Mexico, Laos, Korea, Vietnam, Ethiopia, Algeria, Chicago....
haha. I guess I can't say too much about Lacy's geography skills because up until about eighth grade I believed Hawaii and Alaska were islands right next to each other just below the United States--that's what it looked like on the map!! I guess I never wondered how two drastically different climates could be located so close to each other...
Apparantly ALL of the girls in our family have geography issues--Janaya just realized this week that New Mexico is part of the United States.

Earlier this week Zeni and I were going on a walk and suddenly she stopped in her tracks, grabbed my shirt, and yelled in a very distressed voice "Kelsey LOOK!"...I looked where she was pointing and saw a shiny light blue convertible..."Cool car huh Zeni??" And she replied "Nooooo! Sad!!! It's broken!!". And all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with sympathy for that poor family with the missing roof on their car...

And to prove that I can embarass myself on my blog too:
It has been established in my family that I have plenty of talents, but cooking doesn't happen to be one of them. It's not that I try cooking but then the food turns out gross, it's just that I never do it--so my cooking/food preparation knowledge is pretty remedial. The other day my dad asked me to cut up some ham. I had remembered seeing him cut meat before with some type of machine, and since there was something that I thought looked like a machine sitting on the counter, I innocently asked "Do you want me to cut it with this meat-cutting thing?"...First he just looked at me blankly, then burst out laughing. Turns out the "meat cutting machine" was actually the alternator for my brother's car.

In my defense, why would there be an alternator in the kitchen anyways??

Pics from:
http://www.snuffledopple.com/images/73144.jpg
http://baxters.com.au/HTML/Images/Products_Alternator2.jpg --alternator pic

Family Pic

2009-04-14T11:08:00.009-05:00

So I've been trying for years to get a good family picture. I mean, I'm not asking for us to all put on matching shirts and head to Proex or anything, but is a smile (or at least not goofy faces), and eyes directed at the camera REALLY so much to ask?? I've seen families bigger than ours accomplish it...

Here are our most recent attempts from Easter and Grandma's house (and YES I did use the fact that we were at my grandma's house to my advantage...my Grandma sweetly asked Jesse "Well if you won't do it for Kelsey, will you at least take a nice picture for me?" hehehe):

This one is actually pretty good! I mean aside from the fact that Zeni looks like her head hurts, Aaron looks like he's intimidating someone, Isaac's eyes are closed, Tekle's not looking, and Jesse's smile isn't exactly genuine...

Jesse thinks he's a superhero.

Zenebesh is distracting everyone with her funny face--it looks like everyone just thinks it's cute...shows how seriously they take my dreams geeeeeeeeeeeeesh.

Something was happening slightly to the left...

If we were the kind of family that sent out Christmas cards, this would probably be it. At least everyone's looking (or almost looking).

.

A Day at The Falls

2009-04-10T22:51:00.010-05:00

Aaron ADORES rhinos and insisted he found a rhino horn on our hike :)

They think they are pretty tough...

Life in the Inner-City cont...Isaac's Perspective

2009-04-05T14:25:00.005-05:00

Isaac was probably about 5 in this picture--I LOVE his pose!

haha, who knew getting your hair cut was such a terrifying thing?

When I asked Isaac(17) what he thought were some advantages to living in the city he immediately responded: "Diverse interaction". He talked for about five minutes straight about how much he valued being surrounded by differences and how much he has learned from that. I then asked him what he thought life would be like if he wasn't surrounded by so much diversity. He said:

"It would change me. I would think I had to act like the black people I saw on t.v."

He mentioned that he probably wouldn't think as hard about things like civil rights. Probably his most passionate point though, was that if he didn't live in the city he would not be exposed to "real" hip-hop. He said "In the city your ears are opened" and that he would hate to think that hip-hop was limited to the commercial stuff you hear on the radio.

I then asked if he ever got comments from his non-white friends about having white parents. His answer was an emphatic YES. He said he hears things like
You must be rich!
I bet you get whatever you want! (which is a really funny assumption if you know our family since that is definitely not the case)
Ohh so that's why you act white sometimes...
Why do you talk like that?

He went on to say "It bothered me when I was little, but not anymore." He then said that while he CAN act "straight up ghetto" he chooses not to.

I asked him to tell me about the demographics of his friends. He said about about 25% of his friends were white, the rest were from a variety of backgrounds. He emphasized that he can get along with everyone, saying "I'm hilarious" but also commented that he thinks some white people are intimidated by him.

At one point during the conversation Isaac said that once in awhile he forgets the extra responsibilities that are an inevitable part of being black in this city. He told me about how the other day he wasn't thinking and wore a red scarf when he went out one night with his friends. Red is the color of one of the major gangs around here (not just around here, they are all over the country) and most young black men avoid wearing red or the rival gang's royal blue if they don't want people to think they are affiliated with either side. That night Isaac ran into a group of guys who started throwing up signs and making all sorts of comments about the gang they assumed he was representing. On one hand Isaac was surprised, because he was definitely not dressed like your typical gang member. On the other had he said that people really don't care what your style is--they see your skin color first and make assumptions from there. He said simply "I have to think about the colors I wear". His non-black friends do not.

When I asked Isaac if he had any advice for white parents adopting African American children he said that if their kids don't know how to "act black" they won't be prepared. He also said it's important to be genuine. He used the example of going to a diverse church just because your kids are black, and said it should be about more than that. Your heart should really be in it and you should genuinely want to be a part of the community there. His last point was that parents should not just focus on exposing their children to black and white, but rather they should make a point to celebrate ALL cultures.

"If not, there's no way they are going to make it"

Part 1: Growing Up in the Inner-City
Part 2: The Move

Life in the Inner-City:The Move

2009-04-03T23:15:00.007-05:00

First Christmas in our new house. Left to Right: Kayavin, Jesse, Janaya, Isaac, Lacy, Peter, Kelsey

Before I continue this series, I have to clarify that my parents and siblings continue to live in the city, but no longer the inner-city.
(I do live in the inner-city though, and am actually living with some roommates on the block directly behind our family's old house).

After about 10 years living in the inner-city my parents decided to move. To be honest they were a bit burnt out. They had been pouring out their time, energy, and hearts to the people in our neighborhood as well as raising 6 kids, (plus a sibling set of two that lived with us for years) and at one point my mom was even doing day care as well. Our house was a constant stream of people (which was a beautiful but also exhausting thing). She yearned for more space for us to run around and dreamed of having a big back yard for all of us. My parents needed a change in environment and some time to focus on taking care of themselves. I think it is easy for anyone who is passionate about what they are doing to spend so much time nurturing others that they forget to nurture themselves. I think a stronger support system would have been helpful, maybe an older couple who had "been-there-done-that" to mentor them through the complicity of urban living and remind them to set boundaries and not feel bad to spend more time taking care of themselves.

Nine years ago, I had no idea what my parents were going through and made no attempt to understand their reasons for moving. To be honest, I was ANGRY. We were all angry. We could not believe that our parents were even considering tearing us away from our beloved block, friends, favorite corner-stores, and lifestyle. Though the new house was still in the city, the name of the street was the same as that of a nearby suburb, and we were mortified to think that someone might hear our address and mistakenly think we were suburban kids. If you haven't gathered, city kids tend to demonize the suburbs a little bit. For us, instead of "The Devil Wears Prada" it was "The Devil Wears Abercrombie & Fitch". It is a very human tendency to turn something unfamiliar to you into a bad thing, so if you are from the suburbs please don't be offended! Kayavin (friend of Peter who lived with us for years) was absolutely terrified of the new neighborhood. He said the quietness was CREEPY and we all struggled at first to fall asleep without the lull of traffic, sirens, and voices that fill the nights in the inner-city.

Though at the time we were all convinced that our lives were ending, looking back I know my parents did what they could to preserve the lifestyle we were used to. We didn't switch schools. We didn't switch churches. We continued to participate in all of the same inner-city sports teams and summer programs we had always been involved in. We just had to commute a bit longer each day, and many of the things we loved were no longer in walking distance.

Those of us that were older at the time of the move, still insist that our old house was the best-house-ever and that there is not a neighborhood in this world cooler than the one we lived in growing up, but we are also far enough past the previous resentment to enjoy the neighborhood my parents live in now. We appreciate our big back yard. We appreciate that we are nearby a lake that draws people from all over the city, adding some much needed diversity to the neighborhood. Like I said, it's not a completely white neighborhood (Janaya just has to walk down the block to get her hair braided) but it certainly not what we were used to. We appreciate the pizza place that we can walk to. We have also realized that living near the airport comes in handy when we are traveling and the little kids love watching the airplanes land and take-off. There are definitely good things about being here. That being said, in my opinion nothing can compare to the *life* that bursts from neighborhoods in the inner-city.

In some ways we get the best of both worlds. Our "foundation" is the inner-city. It's where we started, it's where much of our time is spent, it's where our network is and most importantly its where out closest relationships exist. It is where my heart is, it is where I feel the most loved and it the place that truly feels like home for me.

My parents were recently checking out a few houses back in our old neighborhood, so who knows, maybe someday we will all be back! (I write about it as if it is so far away, when in reality it is less than 10 mins. from my parents house. Sometimes the two neighborhoods do feel like separate worlds though!) Whether or not our whole family moves back, the inner-city (specifically our old neighborhood) will continue to be a significant and invaluable part of our lives.

Part 1: Growing Up in the Inner-City

Spring!

2009-04-01T20:08:00.004-05:00

I'm sorry that I've completely neglected this blog for the last month...I promise I'll get back to real blogging soon! The last month has been filled with midterms and traveling, and now I have things like my official BSW program application, finalizing summer plans, and a major research project about the "Mau-Mau" revolution in Kenya on my plate. So for now I just have time to post some pics :)

Aaron and Zenebesh certainly have their moments but they really do love each other. The other day they were taking a nap in my mom's room and she went in to check on them and they were both sleeping soundly and holding hands :)

Growing up in the Inner-City

2009-02-27T09:27:00.004-06:00

Sarah asked:
"I'm curious if you guys have always lived in the inner city, or if your parents made that decision when they adopted children and what the transition was like?"

My parents have not always lived in the inner-city. They both grew up in smaller towns and then moved to our current city for college. After they got married they stayed in the city, but will describe their world at that time as still being very "white". They went to a predominantly white church, lived in a predominantly white neighborhood etc...
I don't remember anything about that life since things began to change when I was 3 years old and my parents began to adopt.

After my parents made the decision to adopt African American children they knew it wouldn't be fair to continue living such a racially homogeneous lifestyle. They wanted Isaac, Janaya, and later Lacy to grow up around black culture so that they would be able to be a part of it without feeling like an outsider. My parents changed EVERYTHING. They left a church that was filled with people they loved to find a more diverse church. The church we found was incredibly diverse and it was a place where everyone in our family could feel comfortable. There were black families, white families, biracial families, many adoptive families (including African American parents who had adopted--not just white people), Latino families--it was a beautiful blend of just about everybody. It was also only a few blocks away from our new house in the inner-city. We grew up participating in just about everything the church had to offer including gospel choir, summer camps, youth group, Soul Food dinners, music festivals, etc...

The schools we went to were all very diverse (I was always in the minority as a white student), the soccer program we participated in was predominantly Latino, and I've already mentioned Dinomights plenty of times on this blog. Once these things became a lifestyle, my parents no longer had to think: "how am I going to expose my children to their culture this week?". We made natural friendships with people from all sorts of backgrounds and nothing was forced, it was simply a part of our life.

I'm sure it was scary for my parents to make such drastic life changes. I'm sure it was hard to leave a church where they were loved by so many people. I'm sure there were times when they felt awkward or uncomfortable as they navigated a new lifestyle. Yet they did it because they loved their children. They weren't content with the "Well at least they are better off in a white community than in an orphanage" mentality. They wanted the BEST for their kids. They acknowledged that although adoption comes with lots of joy, it is also full of tons of losses for children, and they wanted to minimize those losses by providing their kids with natural bridges to their culture.

Moving to the inner-city certainly didn't solve everything--In my next post I'll talk about some of the challenges my siblings faced being a black kid adopted by white parents in a black community (I'll be asking for some input from my siblings), as well as my experience a white kid with black siblings growing up in a community where there weren't a lot of other white kids around.

Eventually I will write about where we are as a family right now, what's changed, etc...

I have lots to say about this topic :)

*********

The Star of the Family

2009-02-14T23:26:00.005-06:00

Isaac complains about not getting enough air-time on the blog, so this post is dedicated entirely to him!

Isaac has been rehearsing for two plays simultaneously since Christmas break and recently had performances for both. The first was called Rag Time. I don't have first-hand knowledge of how it went because I baby-sat the little kids so that my parents could go, but from what I've heard Isaac and the rest of the cast did an amazing job!

Tonight Isaac performed one of the twenty-one (WOW) performances of The Little Rock Nine that he will be doing until March. The play was about the nine African American students who were the first to integrate Central high school in Little Rock, Arkansas in 1957. They were initially prevented from entering the high school by the Arkansas National Guard and a mob of hateful integration protestors. President Eisenhower eventually ordered the 101st Air Division of the United States Army to escort the students to school.
I love how Isaac's involvement in the play gave him an intimate perspective on a such a historic event in our nation's history. Not to mention the singing and acting were INCREDIBLE!

I have to admit however, that my favorite part of the night was watching my Grandpa experience the performance. Since the beginning it has been a rocky road with him in terms of adoption/race in our family and for him to not only watch the play but then approach the actors afterwards to thank them and tell them what a great job they did almost brought me to tears. Theatre is a powerful art form and I could tell the performance really touched my Grandpa. He seemed so proud of his grandson! We all were :)

(The pic on top is of Isaac with some of the cast from the Little Rock Nine and these next few pictures are all from Ragtime that I stole off Isaac's facebook page)

Up Next: A few posts about living in the inner-city in response to Sarah's question :)

Perkins and Transracial Adoption

2009-02-10T11:26:00.007-06:00

I had the awesome opportunity of hearing Dr. John Perkins speak on Sunday night. Even though this was the second time I had listened to him speak and have heard him referenced millions of times, I didn't realize just how incredible he was until I did a little research. Dr. John Perkins is a civil rights activist and is a leader in community development across the nation. He is an international speaker, focusing on issues such as racial reconciliation and indigenous leadership development. He has written nine books (Which have been under my nose on my mom's bookshelf for years and I'm just now beginning to read them!) and has served on the Board of Directors for organizations such as World Vision and Prison Fellowship.

When someone asked him during the question and answer time what his thoughts were about white families adopting black children my heart skipped a beat, I sucked in my breath and I anxiously began to anticipate his response. My mind was racing--here was someone with a deep understanding of issues of race, inequality, black identity, and the best ways to strengthen a community...in fact, he is pretty much an expert in those areas. What if he condemns transracial adoption?

His response?

It began with "I believe everyone has the capacity to love". He then commented that assuming a white family is incapable of raising a black child is like saying that he as a black man is incapable of raising a white child--and that was something Perkins would not accept. He said that in some ways it was almost reverse racism. He mentioned how Obama was raised in a white household--and look how he turned out! At the same time Perkins did not embrace the ideology of "Love is enough". He was very clear that white families raising black children are in need of a lot of education.

I thought his response was beautiful. I agree whole-heartedly with both of his main points, that EVERYONE has the capacity to love, but that that love must be accompanied by education and awareness.

Another question asked during the evening that I think is relevant for many adoptive families was:

"What is the best way for people with affluent backgrounds to serve low-income communities?"

The structure of adoption revolves around the under-privileged, poverty stricken, non-affluent families transferring parental rights to affluent families. Of course there are always exceptions, but this is the general "rule". Many AP's are later drawn to respond to the needs of their children's first communities (whether that means Ethiopia or inner-city America) and are unsure how to do it.

Perkins made the point that one of the most powerful things you can do is to "live among them".

Many people do weekend service projects with their church, international week-long missions trips, or make the long commute into the city to volunteer, but while those efforts are valuable in some ways they also contribute to the image of the "white savior" coming in to solve other people's problems (often people of other races) and trying to teach them their "superior" life style. I'm assuming that's not anybody's intention, but it is an unfortunate consequence. Living in the same area tends to level the playing field a little bit. It allows you to build lasting, genuine relationships. I can tell it means something to the kids I work with in Dinomights when they ask me where I live and we find out we are within walking distance of each other. We run in to each other all over the place...at the park, at the corner-store, wherever...Not to mention I think the inner-city is just way more fun than other places :)

If the community you are trying to serve is in Ethiopia for example it is probably not very likely that you are going to live there. In that case I think it is important to be intentional about supporting organizations with Ethiopian leadership rather than American leadership (again, trying to get rid of the "Americans to the Rescue" mentality)

Perkins' main requirements for serving low income communities were:

*Trust
*Genuine relationships
*Credibility

There is so much more that Perkins covered that I would love to share but I have already written a ton and I feel like people aren't really looking for a five point essay when they visit a blog :) All in all it was a very insightful evening and I left feeling very encouraged!

How's She Doing?

2009-01-27T09:19:00.010-06:00

Overall, Zenebesh is doing amazingly well. I can't believe she's been home a month already. She started preschool this week! My Mom stayed with her the first day and for half of the second day, and even when this "transition period" is over my Mom will still be close by because she teaches Aaron's class in the room next door.

The attachment process is just that: A process. It takes time and lots of intentional bonding efforts but it is a beautiful thing to see develop. I was so excited this week because Zenebesh gave me a spontaneous kiss for the first time. She just wrapped her arms around my neck, kissed me on the cheek, then flashed a huge smile! The whole attachment thing can be hard for me as an older sister because I am definitely a "nurturer" and it is easy for me to fall into the mothering role. Especially after being in charge of so many little ones in Mexico this summer my instincts are to take care of kids, yet I know that I need to let go of that on some level and allow Zeni to attach to my Mom first.

For example, my Mom spends a lot of time feeding Zenebesh from a "bottle" (aka sippy cup), which is a really good attachment exercise for many reasons. Zeni loves pretending that she's a baby and for a girl who is normally very head-strong and independent, it is good for her to allow herself to be taken care of. However, she loves doing this so much that she will often run up to me with her sippy cup and say "Zeni, Kelsey's baby!" and want me to feed her. If my Mom is around I just redirect her and say "Zeni's Mommy's baby! Let's go find Mommy!" which usually works well. It's harder when my Mom is busy--I don't want her to feel rejected by my refusing to feed her so I usually resort to the art of distraction and try to get her interested in something else.

If you read the first few posts after Zenebesh came home you may remember that she had two primary fears: Dogs and snow. I am thrilled to say that these fears have been faced and she now loves both dogs (wushas) and the snow!

This is her "KOWSEY [insert scream]!" face which can be translated to "Kelsey, I need you to pick me up NOW!". Like many kids who are adopted as toddlers, Zeni tends to use screaming, crying, fits, etc...to get her point across. She is getting better with all of that every day and I have no doubt that when she gets a better grasp of English and is able to communicate more easily with us that she will develop problem solving skills that are less painful on the ears :)

Aaron is definitely struggling with the new dynamics. Whenever I see this next picture I feel a wave of guilt rush over me, because he had to actually ask me to take it. I had been so busy documenting Zenebesh's first time playing outside in the snow that I didn't realize Aaron was watching and wondering why I wasn't paying him any attention. Ouch. The poor kid is used to me completely doting over him--even my grandparents lecture me about "spoiling" him too much, although I prefer to use the term "nurturing", and he has always had me completely wrapped around his little finger. Now all of a sudden he has to share all of this with a demanding little girl who screams "ME Kelsey" and literally pushes him away every time he gets close...it's really not fair. He was coloring the other day and told my mom he was making an "angry picture". My Mom asked him what the picture was angry about and he replied "sisters!". Then my Mom said something along the lines of how hard it is to have a new little sister come and change lots of things and he just burst into tears and curled up in her lap. I know things will get better, but to be honest right now I'm feeling pretty guilty and wishing I was better at balancing the needs of both Zeni and Aaron. If I was to use see-saw imagery, Zenebesh would definitely on top right now and that's not just fair to Aaron! Maybe I will sneak him away to my house this week to bake cookies or something.

Despite all of the struggles, it is a **JOY** to have Zenebesh in the family. She is beautiful, fun, spirited, sweet, loving, and hilarious. Sometimes I can't even wrap my mind around how much of a gift I have been given in my family--sibling bonds are so strong and unique, and I have EIGHT of them! Eight people to love and eight people who truly love me. It doesn't get much better than that...

Celebration

2009-01-21T14:57:00.006-06:00

Regardless of your politics, I think we can all agree that yesterday's inauguration was an incredible day for our country. We elected an African American president. Hallelujah! I think celebrating Martin Luther King day the day before the inauguration was a beautiful introduction to a new season here in the United States. We had a convocation at my school that included members of Cornell University's step team, a gospel choir, and guest speaker Hollis Watkins who was a key player in the Civil Rights Movement and continues to be Civil Right's activist today.

We really wanted to drive home the significance of yesterday's inauguration, so we had an inauguration party with the little kids that included pizza, Bomb Pops (red, white, blue), and balloon volleyball.

I know we have a long way to go in our country in regards to racial reconciliation and true "liberty and justice for all" but I have to say that yesterday when Aaron sat down to do a coloring page of the 44th president of the United States and the first words out of his mouth were "I need a brown!", I was overwhelmed with hope.

It' s music to my ears....

"I need a brown!"

Videos

2009-01-15T16:31:00.003-06:00

The first one is of Zenebesh singing the song my Mom sings to all of us when we are little...
Zenebesh, Zenebesh,
Mommy love Zene, Mommy loves Zene,
Zenebesh, Zenebesh,
Mommy loves Zene a lot

ABC'S!!

Talking on the phone:

It Isn't Easy Having Your World Turned Upside Down

2009-01-05T14:04:00.012-06:00

Most of the time Zene is loud, full of energy, and seems to have and endless supply of giggles. But there are also moments that are just hard. The other day the weight of everything that has happened seemed to catch up with her and she got really quiet and sad. She wrapped herself up in a scarf and curled up on the couch. She didn´t want anyone to hold her or talk to her, and retreated under the scarf if anyone tried. She clearly wanted some space, but not too much space because she picked a spot near where my Mom was sitting.

She stayed like that for awhile and then she sat up, took a deep breath, put a smile back on her face, and ran off to play.

She's three years old.

What a brave little girl.

Zene and Janaya's Water Fight in Ethiopia

2008-12-31T02:32:00.004-06:00

Sarah asked if Zene made it home for Christmas and I thought I'd answer that here since others may be wondering too! Unfortunately, she was not here for Christmas. My Mom ran into some issues in ET (incorrect information from the embassy) and had to come back without Zene. Thankfully we were able to resolve things and just a few days later my Dad went back to ET and brought her home. It was stressful and quite the emotional roller coaster, but it makes us even more grateful to have her here in our arms!

Here is a cute video Janaya recorded while they were in ET--isn't Zene's giggle the BEST??
Warning: if you are prone to motion sickness you may want to refrain from watching this video--there is lots of camera movement!

First Days Together

2008-12-29T01:35:00.009-06:00

Here is Zeni being introduced to the snow. She's smiling in the picture but screamed when Jesse had her touch it. She's not a big fan yet :)

Zenebech LOVES pictures of herself! She was so excited to find a bunch of her pics all over the house and she kept giving them kisses. I've also figured out that if I show her her reflection in the mirror while she's crying, she will forget whatever she's crying about and flash her gorgeous smile!

Aren't I lucky to have so much "help" on the computer??

Zeni LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, her "babies". She lines them all up on the floor just like they do at her orphanage, and then takes turns loving on each one. She'll pick one up, rock it for a second, speak some soft words to it, then set it down and do the same with the next baby in line. She also brings bottles around and makes sure they all get fed. She has clearly observed the care-givers at KM very carefully.

Silly faces!

Aaron is doing amazingly well with losing his place as the youngest kid. He is very sweet with Zeni. When she cries he insightfully suggests things like "I think she's missing Ethiopia". He did however ask the same question Jesse asked my mom when I was born:
"Can you return kids?". Actually I think Jesse's exact question was "Did you save the receipt?" He thought my Mom could just bring me back to the hospital...

He is regressing a lit bit by using "baby-talk" and wanting to be held a lot. He also seems to be trying to be as cute as possible to make sure we don't forget about him--nothing overwhelming or annoying, just excesively sweet. I'm trying to spend some time with just him (Bingo was a hit today) and make sure I'm giving him lots of attention, but I think I can do better. Today he told my mom "Mommy, I want to cuddle!" haha. I LOVE that kid so much and am so proud that he is such an awesome big brother.

And we are all just so HAPPY to have our sweet girl home!!!

Together at Last! Together FOREVER!

2008-12-27T18:44:00.007-06:00

Personality

2008-12-18T22:24:00.005-06:00

In all the descriptions of Zene that we received, there were two words that seemed to be the common denominators:

1.Sweet
2.Quiet

According to my Mom, number one is super accurate but number two...not so much. Once this girl gets to know you she is LOUD! She was laughing uncontrollably in the background when I talked to my Mom on the phone the other day and SINGING at the top of her lungs. Mom and Janaya have also reported that she is quite the little Diva, especially at her orphanage. I have a feeling she is going to fit in quite well with her other sisters ;)

Her voice is possibly the sweetest thing I've ever heard. My Dad got so choked up the other day because she said "I love you daddy!" on the phone.
I can't wait for her to come home and I can start really discovering what her personality is like (ha I almost wrote 'what her little personality is like' but the word little just doesn't sound like it fits her personality at all!)

Just LOOK at that gorgeous smile!

Racial Hierarchy in the Adoption World

2008-12-15T15:08:00.010-06:00

The question was recently brought up on The Albertson's blog on how to respond to the following scenario(copied and pasted from their blog):

"For me, the race question has become very hard to answer. For example, I have many friends who are adopting domestically and internationally. Often they'll say "I'm totally open to most races but I'm not sure about a black baby." Please know that they don't mean any harm. They really don't. As I said, I'm glad they feel safe saying that to me. The problem lies, now, in the fact that my very own son is a "black baby."

We have heard this comment many times before too. I've come to the conclusion that even though these people "mean no harm" the comment does stem from deep seeded racism. Why do they feel more capable of raising a Latino or Asian child than a black child? With either of those ethnic backgrounds the family is going to have a lot of cultural differences that they will need to incorporate into their new lives with their child. Same with adopting a black child. Why do people think it will be more difficult to raise a child with an awareness and pride of their African American or African culture than any other culture? That just proves that they are putting African American and African families in an "other" box, assuming that the lifestyles of those families are vastly different from their own.
If the adoptive family's justification is that they live in a predominantly white neighborhood and don't feel they will be able to adequately expose an AA or African child to their culture, then I think that is an admirable reason and shows that they are truly putting the needs of the child first. Yet I'm curious...do these white neighborhoods have a plethora of Asian and Latino families? Asian and Latino children aren't going to feel any less ostracized just because they "blend in" a little better with their lighter skin. They are going to have the same questions about culture and identity and are inevitably going to struggle with being "different" (even if their community loves and accepts them). Ask any adult adoptee and I'm confident that's what you will hear. Adopting a lighter skinned child may be easier for the adoptive family, but not necessarily for the child.
I literally feel sick to my stomach when I hear that stuff. There is a hierarchy in the world of adoption that is clearly based on skin color. Social workers are well aware of the fact that it is easier to place light-skinned children than dark skinned children. Some parents even say they would accept a biracial child but not a child who is 100% black. How sick is that? I agree that adoptive parents need to be honest with their social workers, but I would prefer if they wouldn't sugar coat it by saying that raising an African American child is something they "just can't handle" and acknowledge the racism that is clearly a part of the decision making process.
That comment reminds me of a boy I met last year who said (paraphrased)"I wouldn't date a black girl.Actually, I'd do black girl but I wouldn't marry her."
When I asked why he responded:
"Cuz I don't want my kids to turn out mixed"
I pretty much snapped at that point and he responded:
"I'm not racist! I would marry a Japanese girl or a Mexican girl, just not a black girl"
The boy saw how angry and disgusted I was and told me:
"If you are going to be mad at me you will have to be mad at lots of people because tons of people have the same opinion".
The tragic thing is that he has a point. Lots of people think that way. But that doesn't make it right. Racism is alive and well in this country and it is so important that we ACKNOWLEDGE it. That we humble ourselves enough to admit that we are guilty of it. Racism does not just come from the rednecks in the South. Plenty of "respectable", "Christian", white families have racist viewpoints, it's just that they tend to be masked with pretty language.
Another justification I hear in regards to this issue is that parents do not feel equipped to help their black children deal with the racism they will likely face. Again, this is something that Asian and Latino children are certainly not immune to! But there is a different history in regards to racism against African Americans in the U.S. and there is a good chance that black children will face more intense discrimination than people from other backgrounds. The reality is however, that whether or not you adopt an African or AA child, the racism you are so afraid of still exists in our country. And it's still wrong. If you are not willing to confront it for your potential child, then I'm guessing you are not willing to confront it at all. I think many white people prefer to pretend racism no longer exists. They claim to be "color-blind" and act shocked whenever a racial hate-crime appears on the news. They don't want to acknowledge their white privilege and can't seem to wrap their minds around the question ofwhy so many African Americans continue to struggle when "things are way different these days". Adopting a black child is scary because it would force you to come face-to-face with the racism in your country, your state, your neighborhood, your family, and yourself.
I DO NOT believe that everybody should adopt an African American or African child. On the contrary,I think that these children deserve to be adopted by parents thrilled with the opportunity to parent them, who are committed to providing them with tons of exposure to their culture and lots of mentors and role models of their own race.
What I DO believe is that the racism behind this hierarchy in the adoption world needs to be acknowledged. I feel like that's the first step towards healing and racial reconciliation. Simply acknowledging that despite 'good-intentions', we are guilty of prejudice is hard but so very important. I grew up in a community where white people were the minority. My church was predominantly African American, my soccer team was predominantly Mexican, and my hockey team was a beautiful blend of many cultures. Even in my family there are more people of color than white people. Where I grew up, racial issues were not swept under the rug. We talked about racial injustices all year round(not just on Martin Luther King day)and human rights were discussed and addressed on a regular basis. Yet despite all of that, I will admit that I am not immune to racist or prejudice thoughts. It is something I continue to fight with and grow from. I'm not sure if it's possible to avoid prejudice completely, regardless of what race you are, but we MUST acknowledge it if we hope to change. We CAN change. I believe in change. But it's going to take some work!! This week I am going to challenge myself to address my own prejudices, and I would love it if you would do the same.

PICTURES FROM ETHIOPA!!

2008-12-14T22:39:00.005-06:00

An adoptive Mom who stayed with Mom, Zene,and Janaya at the guest house just sent me some pics! They all look so HAPPY! Thank you Kathy!!

News from Ethiopia!!

2008-12-14T10:29:00.009-06:00

EDITED TO ADD:

I just talked to them on the phone!! Zene SANG to me! And I heard her laugh--she has a super loud, giggly, laugh! And she also said everybody's names in our family :) Oh my word she sounds absolutely PRECIOUS!!! And funny too :)

My mom said they went back to her orphanage yesterday (Kidane) and Zene had brought a sippy cup of water with her and went around to share a drink with all of the kids there. What a sweetheart. Janaya calls her "mini-me" because apparantly she has a mischievious side ;) The whole time I was talking to my mom I could hear her and Janaya laughing, and playing, and singing, and screaming, in the background. It was so fun to hear!

We have finally recieved a nice long email from my Mom in Ethiopia. Ahhh I am SO excited to meet this amazing little girl!!

Here is an excerpt from the email:

You better get used to saying Zenebesh or Zene (say Zeny) because no one says Zena. Zene is adorable she can say everyone's name and point to the pics. She sings the Barney song and abc's and the Itsy Bitsy Spider. She says Tekle right--like an Ethiopian. Aaron better get ready to teach her how to play basketball because right now all she knows is soccer. Hey Jesse--she has a perfect throw in--over her head, feet on the ground. She loves to mix and match so she and Lacy should have lots of fun. Kelsey, you had better practice your Amharic because that is all she speaks!! Singing and dancing are her favorite so she and Isaac have a lot in common. She says Peter so cute with a wonderful little accent. She loves to pick out all of Daddy's pics. All in all she is a perfect "S". I can't wait until you meet her. She is very independent--wants to do everything herself but she is sweet and will share so nicely with her friends back at Kidane. The sisters are so nice--I like them a lot. I miss you all so much!

Mom

Meanwhile, back on the homefront we are continuing to do our best at keeping the kids entertained. Friday night we went to a parade downtown and the kids absolutely LOVED it. Tekle said that Downtown is the coolest place in the whole wide world. I guess we haven't been down there at night in awhile, so the tall buildings all lit up were quite the sight.

Last night Dad went to a Christmas party with some friends from church and the kids and I hung out at home. Isaac's friend brought over dinner for everyone (thanks Mari!), and we made chocolate covered pretzels for desert. That was an extremely messy little project and I still am wondering what I was thinking doing it after bathtime, but the boys had fun getting all full of chocolate. Tekle said "This is my dream!". haha.

Operation-Distract-the-Kids-From-the-Fact-that-Mom's-Not-Here-Has Begun!

2008-12-11T18:06:00.009-06:00

Ok I think we need an acronym for this operation. But ODTKFTFTMNH is too long. How about just Operation Distract Kids? ODK :)

The little boy I tutor (Edward) and two other Dinomights named Cornelius and Pierre came over to my parents for a pizza party with my siblings. My Dad taught everyone how to make homemade pizzas and everyone did such a good job sharing ingredients and being creative with their pizzas. We also made little frosted Christmas trees out of icecream cones, frosting, candy, and fruitloops for desert (Thanks Angela for the idea!)

Edward about to take a bite of his tree!

Aaron's super genuine smile---NOT.

The highlight of the evening though was the dance party. It is pretty common for my siblings to blast music and break out into dance competitions, and I loved how the 3 Dinomight boys just jumped right in :) If the videos cooperate with me I will add them to this post later!

Shh don't tell, but the boys also had lots of fun testing out Zena's doll house. Tekle said "just pretend everything's not pink and purple" :)

At the end of the night Lacy said "Those were some really sweet boys you brought over, you should invite them over again soon!". She was so cute helping everybody with their Christmas trees, and cheering them on during the dance competition. From the way she interacts with kids I think she would be an amazing teacher someday (or something along those lines). Lacy has strong leadership qualities and it's always so beautiful when she decides to use them to do something nice for somebody else.

I will post news about Zena when we get some, but we aren't getting many details from my Mom and Janaya other than "Zena is wonderful". Uhh well we already knew that! Elaborate a bit please guys...geesh.

And they're off!!!

2008-12-07T23:56:00.004-06:00

Soon I will be able to see this sweet face in person! Mom and Janaya left today for Washington D.C. and tomorrow they will be on the plane headed to Ethiopia!
We are soo ready for Zena to be HOME.
Here is her room:

A close-up of her little angels

Her dollhouse (she likes dolls and balls, remember?)

Her clothes before they were packed into a suitcase

Her hat and mittens since the poor thing is going to be thrown into a world of cold and snow!

And our princess album full of over-analyzed pictures that we recieved during this process--if you're part of an adoptive family you know how the desperation for any ounce of imformation about your child leads to endless hours of analyzing their pictures during the wait :) There are lots of blank pages waiting to be filled with pictures together with mommy, daddy, and all the brothers and sisters who already adore her!

I have a feeling these are going to be the longest two weeks of my life...
Any suggestions of fun activities to do with the kids while we wait for Mom, Janaya and Zena to come home are more than welcome!

Fa La La La La La La La La

2008-12-05T12:48:00.006-06:00

We had our traditional Christmas-tree decorating party this week! We hauled the boxes upon boxes of decorations down from storage, ate a delicious dinner, and then got to work! Okay, okay, my Mom got to work. She does most of the house decorating, while the kids stick to the tree. For some reason though there are only a few candy canes left despite the fact that we hung two huge boxes of them. The rule in our house is that you can only eat a candy cane if it breaks which means they conveniently fall and snap into pieces quite often. Sadly, we also broke quite a few ornaments this year because we took out the rug in our living room and breakable Christmas ornaments don't mix well with hardwood floors.

My Dad made homemade hot chocolate for everybody! It was amazing :)

I LOVE our house at Christmas time. We have such a cool blend of Christmas decorations that represent a variety of cultures, ranging from Ethiopian to Swedish to African American, and even a few others.I love that my siblings don't just see images of a white Santa and a blue eyed baby Jesus during the Christmas season. Instead they can celebrate the birth of Christ the way I believe it was meant to be celebrated--valuing people from all tribes, tongues, and nations.

And of course we had to conclude the night by watching the Claymations :) I think the walrus scene is a unanimous favorite!

P.S. My Mom and Janaya leave for Ethiopia on SUNDAY!!! Well technically Monday, but they leave for D.C. on Sunday :)

.

Mexico :)

2008-12-04T10:47:00.005-06:00

I had an absolutely wonderful, amazing, beautiful 10 days with my kids at the ranch. I loved showing up and truly feeling like a part of the family. They put me to work immediately--the first day they had me clean out the little house I stayed in for part of the summer and move back in with all the little girls!

Seeing the kids again was perfect. We were all deliriously excited to see each other. We hugged and laughed and spun around and played and just celebrated the fact that we were together again. Of course, one of the first things the little girls asked me was "Are we going to read stories tonight?".

I told her that OF COURSE we were, and that I have missed storytime soo much since returning to the United States.
The one thing that was a little hard was explaining the time frame of my stay...since I was there for 3 months this summer a lot of the littlest ones were under the impression that I was back to stay. That's something I struggle with the most when I go to the ranch--I have to be yet another person in their lives who leaves them behind. They have already had moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, and even brothers and sisters walk out on them. They have learned not to expect consistency. But I tell them that I will be always come back and I think some of them are finally starting to believe it.

Ahh I love them!! I love them, I love them, I love them! And now I have to settle in for a long 7 months until I can see them again...

Speaking of Exciting Trips...

2008-11-19T10:30:00.006-06:00

I get to go visit my kids at Miracle Ranch for 10 days over Thanksgiving break! I leave this Friday, and I am so crazy excited. I don't think it's natural for humans to get as attached as I got to these kids last summer and then be forced to leave them.
The night before I left Miracle Ranch the kids threw a huge good-bye party for me, complete with food, music, balloons, and confetti. They even made super sweet cards and wrote letters. I was so emotional that night as I tried to reconcile the excitement of knowing that I would see my family again soon and the sadness and guilt I felt for leaving the ranch. One little boy saw the tears in my eyes and slipped away to his room. A few minutes later he came back with a little stuffed animal, and told me that I could sleep with it when I missed them. The other kids really liked his idea and soon my arms were overflowing with stuffed animals to bring home. At this point there was no point in even trying to hold back the tears. How could kids who have so little of their own be willing to give up one of their few possessions, just so that I could feel better? I don't know if I have ever felt more loved in my entire life.

(excuse the pic, I was clearly crying and my camera was on a weird setting. And yes, that is a baby under all the toys!)

Ten days isn't a lot of time, but I am going to treasure every second with the kids. It's impossible to describe how much I love them and how much they have taught me about life. They are truly an inspiring, resilient, loving, thoughtful, compassionate, hilarious, joyful, and incredible group of kids. I can't wait to wrap my arms around them on Friday!

Guess Who's Going to Ethiopia??

2008-11-16T19:10:00.013-06:00

Nope...not me.

JANAYA!!!!
We are working to get a passport expedited for her asap.
Yup, I'm a bit jealous...but I know it will be an AMAZING experience for her! The 10 days I spent in Ethiopia had a huge impact on my life, so I am thrilled that Janaya will get a similar opportunity. YAY :)
The plan is for them to leave on December 7 and come home Christmas Eve. What an incredible Christmas gift!

We think Janaya and Zena kind of look alike.. Especially their eyebrows--haha I know that's random, but just LOOK at them! Here are 3 pics of Janaya when she was younger, and a few more of Zena :)

Introducing....

2008-11-13T08:46:00.003-06:00

COURT DATE SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am THRILLED to introduce you all to Miss Zenabesh!!! Isn't she gorgeous???!!!

Dinomight Fundraiser

2008-11-11T20:12:00.012-06:00

As if these last few weeks haven't been exciting enough with the election of our first black president, the Dinomights also had the awesome opportunity to meet the first black man to break the color barrier in the NHL at our fundraiser last night, Mr. Willie O Ree. He spoke to the kids about his struggles in the NHL and said that not one day went by where he was not faced with racism and bigotry. He encouraged the kids to never give up even even in the midst of adversity. He is truly a hero to me and all of the Dinomight kids, and it was so beautiful to hear from the man that paved the way for teams that look like ours in the world of hockey. He is known as "The Jackie Robinson of the NHL".

We also had another special guest--Brad Bombradir of the Minnesota Wild presented awards to our kids based on their academic achievement, leadership, and service to others.

Most of the following pictures were taken by Edward, who decided he would like to be the photographer of the night. He was so cute walking around asking EVERYONE if they would like their picture taken (including the tech guys running the power point). He even did a self-portrait :)

Dinomight Alumni (and really good friends of mine!)

My old Bible-study leader, Erica and I

Such a fun night! I am extremely proud to be a Dinomight alumni and and blessed to be able to continue being involved in such an incredible program.

Pictures of Fall

2008-11-11T20:05:00.003-06:00

We are praying for a successful court date this week!! Feel free to join us if you would like :)

Our Sweet Ring-Bearer

2008-10-25T11:22:00.005-05:00

A good friend of the family named Emily asked Aaron months ago to be the ring-bearer in her wedding. At first he had no idea what that meant, but after his siblings clued him in on the fact that he would get to wear a suit he was all for the idea!
He kept asking all summer "When is me and Emily's wedding?" (we had to gently tell him that it was actually Emily and Billy's wedding).
Aaron wasn't the only one who was excited. Even Tekle said "I can't wait to see you in your suit. You're gonna look AWESOME!" then he looked at me and said "I'm going to put him in a box that says "off-limits". Apparantly he thought Aaron would look to cool to touch.
The day before the wedding Aaron and my mom went to the rehearsal dinner. Before they ate the mother of the bride was listing off what was on the menu:

--Fillet Mingon
--Baked Walleye
--Chicken Kiev

and Aaron interrupted yelling out "I like nachos!"

Well the day finally arrived, and Aaron was the best ring-bearer I've ever seen (Ok, so I'm a little biased). He took his job so seriously and looked precious in his little tux. We were all so proud!

The following shot was taken immediately after the newlyweds kissed--I KNEW the boys would do something funny, so I had my camera ready :)

Tekle and Aaron LOVE Jesse's friend Greg. Ok I probably shouldn't just call him Jesse's friend--Aaron and Tekle could be seriously offended. He's an old friend of the entire family!

Mom and her BFF Ann who reciently moved back here from North Carolina!

Dancing the night away!

Sad News

2008-10-14T10:52:00.003-05:00

We did not pass court this week. Apparently there was a paper missing (on the orphanage's side of things)so a new court date was set for Nov. 13
Trying not to cry right now...
I hope she still makes it home for Christmas...

Recently Overheard in the S House

2008-10-11T12:20:00.009-05:00

Mom: "Tekle, how many times do I have to tell you, YOU CAN'T MODIFY TOYS!"
As I've said before, Tekle is a kinetic learner. His nickname in Ethiopia was "the little scientist" because of his tendency to touch, feel, and "modify" everything around him. He is a BRILLIANT kid. When he was in preschool his teacher let him bring home the classroom's a broken stapler to play with. Much to her surprise he brought it back to class the next day completely repaired! He also fixed our computer printer when he was four years old.
Despite his above average intelligence in many areas, he still says some hilarious "kid stuff". Like yesterday, he asked my Dad what day it was. My dad replied Friday. Shaking his head in amazement, Tekle asked "How do you always know that?!" He spent the next 10 minutes trying to unravel the mystery of how big people always know what day it is...

So as you can see in the picture above, Aaron is a pretty easy subject to take pictures of. He rarely minds having his picture taken (unlike big brothers Tekle and Jesse), will pose if you ask him to, and overall basks in the attention. He is also the youngest (until Z comes home!), so needless to say Aaron gets his picture taken pretty frequently. Earlier this week he and I were going on a walk, and when we crossed the street he wrapped his arms around my arm and then gently laid his head down. A few seconds later he seemed to get hit with the realization of how cute he probably looked at the moment so he looked up at me and asked in the sweetest little voice "Kelsey, would you like to take a picture of me like this?"

So I did of course.

Silly, silly boy.

Who needs to stop and smell the roses when you can stop and observe the worms?

So I don't have any funny stories to go along with these pics, but Janaya went to her first high-school dance last night! Sadie-Hawkins is typically a girl-asks-the-guy-dance but lots of people just go with friends, so that's what these girls did. It's cowboy/farm themed and Janaya is a 100% city girl so it was funny watching her try come up with something to wear...
They looked pretty cute though!

FOUR days until Z's court date in Ethiopia! That's this Wednesday...prayers would be greatly appreciated!

Ah the Joy of Learning...

2008-10-06T20:46:00.010-05:00

I tutor Lacy and Tekle after school three days a week and Aaron has recently decided that he wants in on the action too.
Word of advice: If you hope to make any sort of academic progress with the adored youngest child of the family, make sure you do it when there are no other siblings around!! Lacy and Tekle were both present for Aaron's first "lesson", and to them he could literally do no wrong. First Aaron wrote the letter 'A' and Lacy and Tekle started cheering so enthusiastically you would have thought he had just won a grammy...
Then we moved on to the letter B, and once again Aaron's efforts were met with lots of excitement. The problem was that he did not write the letter B...
K: "Lacy, do you realize that was an F?"
L: "Yeah, but it was a really good F!"
I suppose it's a good thing that they are so encouraging, but it's not going to help Aaron very much in school if he writes his B's as F's (Can you imagine if he tried to write the word 'buck'?!)

I try to learn from my mistakes, so today Aaron and I did his "homework" alone in his room. First we worked on writing his name. I attempted to give him some imagery that would help him remember how each letter is shaped, but he came up with much better examples than mine...
Kelsey: "So r's are really easy, they are just a line with a little tail on top" (don't ask where the tail thing came from--I had a long day!)
Aaron: "No [insert that's the silliest thing I've ever heard tone of voice]. It looks like a sink!"

Kelsey: "O's are the easiest...they're just a circle."
Aaron: Actually it looks like a bouncy ball!"

Kelsey: (finally resigned to the fact that my imagery wasn't going to be sufficient) "So what does the 'n' look like?"
Aaron: "It looks like 'r'!"

Ok then.

The mind of a preschooler is a marvelous thing :)

Speaking of preschoolers...Nine more days until Z's court date!!

What We Should All Know About HIV

2008-09-28T18:43:00.015-05:00

(thanks Erin for letting us use your info!)

HIV can NOT be spread through casual/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging,

kissing,

shaking hands,

sharing toys,

sneezing, coughing,

sharing food,

sharing drinks,

bathing,

or any other casual way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles).

- HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives.

- People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do. If anyone wants more info on transmission, there is great info on the Center for Disease Control website at http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/transmission.htm

Birthdays Galore

2008-09-27T20:55:00.007-05:00

We have had four birthdays in the last month!
First Lacy turned 11

Then Aaron turned 4 (which forced me to stop being in denial of the fact that he's not a baby anymore!)

Then Janaya turned 15--We laughed that if we lived in Mexico she would have had a way bigger birthday celebration (quincenera)!

Then Jesse turned 22 (and warned me that it's no fun getting 'old')

Jesse wasn't cooperating when I was trying to take pictures but I tricked him into laughing for this one--then I warned him that I was going to post it on my blog with a super corny label like "family fun" or something :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVERYBODY!!!

Bedtime

2008-09-21T23:36:00.003-05:00

(these are old pictures but I thought they were cute!)

Though it's usually met with lots of protests and requests for "five more minutes", bedtime at our house is a really sweet time. All of the little ones get a story read to them, they say prayers with mom or dad (or sister), and then get tucked in with lots of hugs and kisses.
It's amazing to think back and remember all of the nurturing that I got before I went to sleep at night as a kid. I'm sure the countless stories that were read to me had a positive effect academically, but more importantly, I always closed my eyes feeling secure and loved. That isn't necessarily the case for many kids in the world and it was especially evident at the children's home this summer. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of time for bedtime stories and kids usually don't get tucked in institutional settings. It made me so sad to compare my childhood with their reality. For a lot of them just being able to go to sleep at night in a safe place was a blessing compared to what they had to deal with in the past.
Ideally I would have created a bedtime routine for each kid at the ranch this summer, but since that just wasn't humanly possible with only one of me and close to 30 kids, I decided to try it with the girls. They were the youngest and since there were only 3 of them we were able to spend really quality time together. We would read stories, talk about our days, and pray.

The first time I asked if they wanted to pray before bed Darina got a concerned look on her face and asked me "Why, what happened?", but it soon became an anxiously awaited routine. The girl's prayers were incredible to hear. They would always pray for their families, often telling God just how much they missed them. My heart melted when they began praying for my family every night too. They'd also pray for friends from the children's home that were now gone, asking God to protect them and keep them safe. One night Melina(7) even prayed for all of the Disney princesses by name! "God bless Cinderella, Snow white, Sleeping Beauty..."

Tonight the copy of "Juevos Verdes con Jamon" (Green Eggs and Ham) that I ordered came in the mail. I swear we read that story a million times this summer! As soon as I opened up the first page I was flooded with emotions and memories. I remembered how Darina almost had the entire thing memorized. I remembered how after breakfast Melina would already be asking me whether or not we were going to read stories that night. I remembered how Ana fell asleep in my arms during storytime after a particularly emotional day. I remembered the nights Darina would ask to hold my hand and then firmly tell me not to let go before she closed her eyes. I remembered being scolded for almost forgetting bedtime kisses. And I especially remembered the countless "Buenas noches hermana, te quiero!" (goodnight sister, I love you!).

I can't describe how much those three months with the girls meant to me. It's so hard being miles and miles away from them now...I hope and pray that even though we can't read stories tonight the girls go to sleep remembering that they are loved.

Re-Entering the World of Blogging

2008-09-05T16:33:00.009-05:00

Both of my blogs have been pretty neglected this summer, but I think I'm finally ready to start writing again!

Three months in Mexico was an experience of a lifetime! It was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the most rewarding. I was able to see incredible transformations in some of the kids this summer, and I experienced love in a whole new way. I learned a ton, grew a lot as a person, and am so grateful that I was able to share my summer with some of the most amazing kids on the planet. I'm sure I will be talking a lot about everyone at Miracle Ranch as I continue writing this blog because they are such a huge part of my life now. As if I wasn't blessed enough with my awesome family, now I have 27 more brothers and sisters in Valle de las Palmas!

Z NEWS:

Unfortunately, we DID end up getting stuck in the Ethiopian court closure, but the good news is we now have a court date! It's October 15, and if all goes well my parents will be traveling 4-6 weeks later. This process has dragged on longer than we would have liked, but we see the beautiful light at the end of the tunnel! Families have sent us new pictures which is so helpful. I can't wait to be able to share them...until then, here's a pic of the outfit Z was wearing in one of the most recent pics. It makes me smile! :) Homemade-multicolored, Bunny-rabbit overalls and purple tights...

And here's a few pics of some of my other siblings, since I'm allowed to show you their faces!

Last but not least, I stole a few videos of Aaron off of Leah's Blog because he is just too cute...

Update on Z

2008-07-14T01:29:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the lack of updates! Computer access hasn't been very consistent here in Mexico, and it's also been really hard to find time to write.

We ran into some major roadblocks regarding Z's adoption, but things seem to be getting better. We are praying, praying, praying, that her case gets expedited so that we can still get through court before they all close for the rainy season. There's still a chance we'll make it! And if we do, be prepared to see TONS of pictures of my beautiful sister :)

Here's a picture of Z's "Welcome Bag". It has a photo album to introduce her to our family, a shirt, balls (that are the colors of the Ethiopian flag), and a soft little blankey thing. My Mom also wrote her a note telling her how ecstatic we are to have her in the family, and how we can't wait to meet her! It's crazy to imagine that pretty soon she'll know about us. I wonder what will be going through her little head...

And I'm Off!!

2008-05-23T22:29:00.008-05:00

So bright and early tomorrow I will be on a plane, on my way to Miracle Ranch! I am so excited. I've had an amazing week with friends and family, and will miss everyone so much while I'm gone. I had lots of fun tonight making s'mores with my family in the backyard, and then jumping on the trampoline till dark with Aaron, Tekle, and Lacy. I only had to choke back tears a few times :)

I will definitely continue writing on this blog because I want to keep people updated on Z's adoption. I will also be writing a separate blog for Miracle Ranch and would love if you guys checked it out!

Here some pics taken this last week of just a few of the faces I'm going to miss this summer!

As you can see, Aaron is pretty happy to have Jesse home from Namibia!

What's more precious than a sleeping kid?

Feeling Pretty Loved

2008-05-20T23:26:00.010-05:00

My parents had a fun little going away/early birthday BBQ for me this weekend! It was really interesting to see how the party brought together people from so many different areas of my life. There were friends from high school, friends from church, friends I've known almost my whole life, newer friends, relatives, and a van full of Dinomights. There were babies, toddlers, grade schoolers, middle schoolers, high schoolers, college students, graduate students, adults, and my sweet grandparents. It really made me appreciative of the incredible community I have here. How did I get so lucky to have all of these amazing people in my life?

The adorable face above is Edward, and he is someone I am going to miss A LOT this summer! I tutor Edward through Dinomights and he is a total sweetheart. I have had so much fun getting to know him better this last year. He is one of the most pure-hearted, thoughtful, generous, and hilarious kids that I know. He is ALWAYS thinking about others. I remember one time we went to Dairy Queen and he ordered a kids meal. Most kids get those primarily for the treat right? Well Edward decided to only eat his hot dog so that he could save the chips and ice cream for his two little brothers at home. Also, whenever someone gave him candy at school on a Tuesday (tutoring day), he would make sure to save me a piece in his pocket. Edward tells some of the most amazing superhero stories you will ever hear, and one time told be that if I wanted, I could just call him "Speedy Boy". We have had so much fun this year with intense Connect Four Competitions, "Hip-Hop Sundays", BBQ's, and a trip to the zoo. His love for life and people makes him a joy to be around, and he has taught me more than I'm sure he'll ever realize. I am already looking forward to hanging out more in the fall!

FOUR days till I leave!! Crazy.........

"Eight kids?? How do you handle the LAUNDRY?"

2008-05-18T23:21:00.004-05:00

As you can see, we have a pretty efficient system:)

Actually, to be honest, our laundry room can be a pretty scary place. Even with such a cute little helper!

A Few More Details

2008-05-11T22:15:00.009-05:00

Thank you all for the congrats! We are so very, very excited. In the words of Aaron:

"She is so cute! I want her to come home RIGHT NOW!"

My sentiments exactly.

To answer Nikki's question, no, unfortunately I do not get to travel this time. My Mom is going for sure and we are hoping that the finances work out so that my Dad can travel too. I want to go so, so, so, bad!! Although I got to have the trip of a lifetime when my Mom and I brought Tekle home, so I guess I should be happy that my Dad might get to have the same experience :)

Here's a little bit more about Z:

~She likes dolls
~She likes balls
~She is described as calm, sweet, and quiet (Hopefully she isn't too intimidated by her not-so-calm-and-quiet-but-still-very-sweet siblings! Although my Mom says she needs a more laid back kid to balance the rest of us...)
~Zenebech and Aaron may be "virtual twins" if she is closer to 3.5...but if she's 2.5 she will be the baby of the family.

I will share more details as we learn more about her. We are using AAI this time (although we still love CHSFS), so hopefully we will get a few pictures/updates from other traveling families.

And this is a little off topic, but I thought I'd share a sweet moment between Tekle and Aaron that happened last night when we were reading stories before bed...

Aaron: "Can I come on your bed too?"

Tekle: "Sure"

Aaron: "Thanks! I really love Tekle. He's a nice brother. He put my band-aid on for me today. And I put his stickers (on the sticker chart) on for him today too! What do you say for that Tekle?"

Tekle: "Uhh that was nice..."

Aaron: [insert 'mommy' voice] "Do you say thank-you?"

Tekle: "Thanks dude"

And then Aaron smiled a very satisfied sort of smile :)

I'm Going to Have to Change the Name of My Blog

2008-05-10T16:18:00.006-05:00

Because I have a new SISTER!!!!!!

I have been dying to share the news, but had to wait until things were more "official".

She is between 2.5 and 3.5 years old years old and waiting for us in Ethiopia.

I wish I could share pictures, but we have to wait until we are through court in Ethiopia. Let me tell you, Z is GORGEOUS. She has huge brown eyes, amazingly long eyelashes, and adorable chubby cheeks!She is just beautiful and seems to have an inherant grace about her... We sent her picture to Jesse in Namibia, and he said he almost started crying when he opened the document. Jesse is a very unemotional guy, so it was very touching. Jesse also told us that Z is the new screensaver on his computer--he's such a proud big brother!

We got her file and the news that our agency considers her ours last night (along with new PICTURES!) Needless to say, my Mom is feeling pretty blessed this Mother's Day :)

Welcome to the family sweet girl!!

Random Family Stuff

2008-05-06T18:30:00.008-05:00

Guess who braided Tekle's hair??

If you guessed Isaac, you are correct!

Speaking of Isaac, he deserves a huge CONGRATULATIONS on his acceptance into the arts highschool he auditioned for last week. Isaac loves to perform and is especially passionate about dance (mostly hip-hop but he can't wait to learn other forms too). We think this school is going to be a great fit for him.
He also just got a job at the movie theatre, so this has been a good week!

As for me, my freshman year of college is complete! Overall, I loved it. I had some great professors, met some cool people, and learned a lot. I am planning on majoring in Social Work and minoring in Spanish and have really enjoyed taking classes in both of those areas. My Spanish professor was hilarious which made it easy to pay attention in class. My social work professors were awesome too and I learned a lot from them. I really appreciate how my school prioritizes interactive learning in community. Next year I will be living in a community house with other college students that focuses on building relationships with kids in the neighborhood through tutoring and mentorship. We will tutor kids for two hours each week, and do monthly weekend events with them. I am very excited :)

Another highlight of my year was playing intramural sports. I played tennis, volleyball, and soccer. It was basically the same group of kids on my volleyball and soccer teams, so that was fun. I played tennis all through highschool so I was pretty confidant in that, but I can't say the same for volleyball and soccer. My team was very patient with me though...

Aaron came to stay with me my last night in the dorms and had a blast. We got icecream from the vending machine, played pool in the game room, and hung out with my super cool roommate. His favorite part of the night though was going to see the basketball players in the gym. He was in complete AWE, and would have stayed there all night watching them if I would have let him!

Another cool part about Aaron's visit to college was that he was able to meet a bunch of the Ethiopians that work at my school. At one point he had about 10 people surrounding him and asking him questions in Amharic. I think he was a bit overwhelmed with all of the attention but I was so proud of him because our Amharic practice payed off...one woman asked him "Simeh mano?" which means 'what's your name' in Amharic, and without missing a beat Aaron replied "Tariku". Tariku is his middle name, but he responds to both. It's funny because if someone asks him what his name is in English he says Aaron, but if they ask in Amharic he says Tariku.

So now I'm living at home again, enjoying my last 3 weeks with the family before I leave for MEXICO!! :)

Tell Two!!

2008-05-04T15:55:00.005-05:00

The following is a post written by Erin, an amazing adoptive Mom of 11. Two of her beautiful children are HIV+ and Erin has done an incredible job of educating people about what it means to be a child living with HIV. PLEASE read her post and then accept the challenge to "tell two"!

Today I have heard from several different parents of HIV+ children who are facing negative reactions to their adoptions based on the stigma and ignorance surrounding HIV. It is extremely frustrating to me that in 2008 there is still so much unfounded fear caused by a lack of education, that results in nasty, ugly and mean treatment of people who are HIV+ and their families.

The reason people in the U.S. are not educated about HIV is that most people don't care, because most people in this country are not affected by it. People still see it as the problem of homosexuals, drug users and people in Africa. The reality is, HIV/AIDS is everyone's problem. It is a devastating problem in Africa and many countries, but there are many, many Americans living with this disease as well. In fact, new cases of HIV in the U.S. are now being seen in the largest numbers in heterosexual women. HIV/AIDS is a HUMAN problem.

Living with this nasty disease is hard enough, but compounding that with the misguided fear and judgment of society is beyond tragic, and as the mom of two HIV+ children, it is sad and frustrating.

So, if you are one of the many who check in to this blog every day, I am asking you to do me a favor. I want you to tell at least two people about HIV. Spread the word that...

- HIV can NOT be spread through causal/household contact. HIV is not spread through hugging, kissing, shaking hands, sharing toys, sneezing, coughing, sharing food, sharing drinks, bathing, swimming or any other causal way. It has been proven that HIV and AIDS can only be spread through sexual contact, birth, breastfeeding and blood to blood contact (such as sharing needles).
- HIV is now considered a chronic but manageable disease. With treatment, people who are HIV+ can live indefinitely without developing AIDS and can live long and full lives.

- People who are HIV+ deserve to be treated with love, respect, support and acceptance as all people do.

If anyone wants more info on transmission, there is great info on the Center for Disease Control website at http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/transmission.htm

Help me spread the truth about HIV, and take a tiny stab at the stigma against HIV. Tell your friend when you talk on the phone. Tell your spouse. Tell your parents. Post it on your blog and ask other people to tell their readers. Ask them to pass it on as well. I would love to see this spread beyond the adoption blogs.

Even if you have no real interest in HIV/AIDS, even if you are not involved in adoption, even if you don't think you know anyone who is HIV+... education and knowledge are always a good thing. It is so easy to say to someone, "hey, guess what I learned today?" and it is even easier to put it on a blog or in an email.

Do it for me. Do it for the other adoptive families and the HIV+ orphans that are waiting for homes. Do it for Belane and Solomon. Do it for all of the other people on this planet living with HIV. If everyone that reads this blog tells at least two people, that is a whole bunch of people we can reach and a little bit of difference we can make.

Videos From Janaya's Camera

2008-04-27T19:46:00.002-05:00

This first video is from Valentines Day when Aaron pretended to be able to read his own V-day card from my Mom...no one knew Janaya was videotaping--we thought she was just taking pictures!

The Second One is HILARIOUS--I think it is an excellent portrayal of Janaya's ability to aggravate people and the pride she takes in doing so :)

What's not to love about junior high??

[Edit] First Pic removed because Janaya didn't think it was "cute" enough!

Tekle for President?

2008-04-25T22:15:00.002-05:00

The other day Tekle asked my mom and I "What if someday I'm the Prime Minister?" Then he followed up with "Wait, what's a prime minister?"

After explaining that the Prime Minister is similar to the President, and that you would actually have to be born in a country that has a prime minister to be one, he asked
"Then where can I be president?"
We hesitated for a second as the realization that Tekle would not eligible to be the president of the US crossed both of our minds, and then my mom and I simultaneously told him "Ethiopia!".

He seemed satisfied with our answer. However, it did make me realize the predicament of internationally adopted kids who dream of being president. They can't be elected in the United States because they weren't born here, and they are so far removed from their birth countries that the likelihood of being elected there (if their country of origin is a democracy) is pretty slim.

I personally think Tekle would make a great president, but for now I guess he'll have to change the world another way!

Community BBQ

2008-04-22T22:17:00.007-05:00

At Leah's house with some of my favorite kids, and a bunch of Leah's friends and neighbors! I LOVE my city :)

Aaron's Attempts at an Insult

2008-04-18T21:54:00.008-05:00

Aaron and I were playing outside this week and he was really concerned about stepping in the mud. I thought it was hilarious and teasingly said, "Oh Aaron, you are such a pretty boy!" He angrily responded, "Don't call me a pretty boy! YOU'RE really pretty!"

Later he thought he really got me when he called me a "Sweetie-face!!"

Most kids get offended if they are called a 'baby', and Aaron is no exception. However, he takes it a step even further. If you make Aaron mad there is a good chance he will call you a 'toddler'. We always hear Aaron and Tekle yelling back and forth

"BABY!"

"TODDLER!"

"Baby!"

"Toddler!"

And since Jesse thoughtfully taught Aaron what the word 'infant' means before he left for Namibia, that gets added into the mix as well.

***If you're not following the rationale of a preschooler, what makes 'infant' the ultimate diss is that infants are even littler than babies...
And preschoolers want to be BIG!

I think if anyone's a "sweetie-face" in this house, it's Aaron!!

It's beginning to look like SPRING!

2008-04-09T21:12:00.006-05:00

Tekle got so excited today when he saw that some of the flowers were beginning to grow. He is very fascinated with the outdoors in general, but he especially loves flowers. The poor kid came home from Ethiopia in the middle of winter (2 years ago), and though he has always been a very good sport about the snow, there have definitely been times when he misses living in a warm climate! A few months after he arrived in the USA, Tekle came home from the store with a huge bag of artificial flowers, saying that they looked just like "E-tee-opia".

Today is Isaac's 16th birthday! Lacy and I were singing Happy Birthday to him as he walked up to our house after school until we realized that he had his headphones on and couldn't even hear us. Oh well--Happy Birthday Ike! We love you!

Two Months!

2008-04-04T16:58:00.005-05:00

My siblings are all on Spring break this week. Despite the unpredictable weather (rain, snow, sun), they seem to be having a lot of fun. They've already been to the zoo and the science museum, and this afternoon my parents took them to a hotel about 15 minutes away so I'm sure they will be swimming all night (that's the large family version of a vacation).

On another note, only two more months until I leave for Mexico! I am so excited and anxious to get down there, but I have a feeling the time is going to go by pretty fast. I only have four weeks left of school and then the Month of May will be super busy, so I should have plenty to do until May 24.

I watched all the videos from my December trip last night and it made me want to be in Mexico RIGHT NOW! Here is a clip of Victoria and Esteban singing the Spanish version of "I'm in the Lord's army". Esteban suddenly got shy and decided to stop singing about halfway through, but Victoria sang it all! Aren't they adorable??

***P.S. Thanks again to those of you who have donated to my trip! It is so very appreciated :)***

Letter/Pics from Jesse in Namibia!

2008-03-30T17:34:00.002-05:00

Hey!!!
How are things?
I just got back from our travel seminar, which was really cool. We started off going out to the coast to the town of Swakopmund, which is an awesome place. The ocean was so cool and the sunsets were amazing! After a couple days there we went off to our rural homestay, which was by far the best homestay of the trip. There was no electricity or running water and we cooked all the meals over the fire outside. It was crazy! The really different thing about the homestay was that the houses were made out of a mixture of cow dung and clay! It didnt even smell bad or anything. I rode in a donkey cart over the weekend too, and that was cool! Im having the usual issues with uploading pics, but ill try to get them up soon. The family I stayed with had a two year old boy who was awesome and he kinda reminded me of Aaron, which in turn made me a little homesick. It was super cute when he would help heard the goats and cows that would randomly wonder around the yard and walk up to the house. Fences are not used as much on this farm as they are back home. It was really an amazing trip.

Speaking of amazing trips, my malaria medicine is making me halucinate a bit. The horizon was flashing like crazy one night while we were sitting around the fire and the dreams have all been really weird.
After the homestay we drove to etosha, which is the big national park here. It was really cool and I saw all sorts of animals. Kudu, Impala, Zebra, Warthog, Giraffes, Elephants, and even lions! It was crazy seeing the lions. We never really got a good view of the elephants though which was kinda dissapointing.
Were going back out to swakop for spring break today, which should be fun. We about to leave really soon!
Love Ya! Tell everyone back home that i love them and i miss em!
Jesse

If you would like to read more about Jesse's adventures in Namibia, feel free to visit his blog here

Happy Easter!

2008-03-22T20:09:00.013-05:00

Easter back when we were "only" a family of 8! The kids had lots of fun decorating Easter eggs today! They were speedy too--I think they did them all in about 10 minutes. Janaya is the queen of cupcake baking. Seriously, her cupcakes are amazing! Especially the frosting...I usually hate frosting but the kind Janaya makes is delicious. She even decorates the cupcakes with her own creative designs. She's a talented girl-- And as you can see, she started young: Beautiful Boys...
And here's a little video of Tekle and Aaron answering some Easter trivia

Eyes for You

2008-03-11T23:43:00.011-05:00

My Mom asked me to visit her preschool class on Monday and teach the kids some new songs. Aaron is in her class and the first thing he did when I got there was walk around and introduce me to every single kid. He made sure to clarify which of his friends were from Ethiopia.
"And this is Hawanni, she's from Opia too!"

Aaron was so excited to show me around his class! There were a few times where he would instinctivly run at me with his arms raised to be picked up, but then remember his friends were around and change his mind. Although, he conveniently decided that it was ok for me to carry him when we walked up 4 flights of stairs to the gym!

One thing I noticed throughout the day is that even though I had lots of fun with all of the kids in the class, Aaron was the one I paid the closest attention to. When the other kids showed me their drawings I smiled and told them how great they were, but when Aaron showed me his I really looked and genuinely admired his dinosaur. When everyone was requesting songs I had to supress the urge to call on Aaron every time, and when he interrupted my Mom while she was teaching, I just brushed it off and thought about how cute it was that he had so many brilliant ideas.

This realization made me think about all the kids who don't have that adoring figure who looks into a room full of children and yet only really see that "one". So many kids in this world are perpetually a part of the masses. Some have their physical needs met, and even people in their life who treat them well, but no one who looks at them and thinks "wow, this kid is incredible". Everyone deserves to be individually adored for all those little things that make them who they are. They need someone who notices when they are having a bad day, and celebrates with them when they are having a good day. They need someone who advocates for them when situations become more than they can handle, and loves them unconditionally through every mistake.

There are a handful of children in my life who I like to call "my kids". All of my siblings of course, and a few of the Dinomights that I have special relationships with. I love them all so much and they bring me an immense amount of joy. But today I'm thinking about those children who can only imagine a love like that; from the 7 year old girl living alone on the streets of Ethiopia to the 18 year old boy aging out of the foster care system here in the United States, there are millions yearning to be somebody's "One". As I think of all of those waiting, I wonder what I can do to give more kids the opportunity to feel what it's like to be completely and totally delighted in for exactly who they are...

Dinomights Then and Now

2008-03-01T14:35:00.016-06:00

Jesse and Kelsey, bottom right

The first time I saw this picture, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia. Seeing everybody I grew up with brought back a flood of happy memories and I couldn't believe how little we all were! I showed it to a bunch of other Dinomight alumni, and everybody had the same reaction, saying something along the lines of "aw, the good ol days...".

One of the most beautiful things about Dinomights is that even though many players deal with a lot of issues throughout their childhood--instability, dysfunctional home situations, a very flawed educational system, poverty-- being a part of the program gives kids happy memories and a secure place to be a kid in the midst of the stress.

It's cool to think that my sibling's memories of their own "good ol days" are being formed now. I know the friendships they are making are going to be so important to them in the long run. The games, tournaments, summer camps, special activities, Bible study, and even the 6:00 a.m. Wednesday morning practices are all going to be things they happily reminisce about someday.

Yesterday we went to the first game of Tekle's hockey career. He plays for the "mini-mites" and the kids actually just scrimmaged each other, but for them it was a BIG DEAL. Mini-mights are a hilarious age to watch because when one falls down the domino effect follows and pretty soon you see a pile of kids on the ice.

I was so proud of Lacy when she decided to help out with the little girls at the game. It was really sweet to see her happily sharing advice and giving little motivational speeches as she tied the girl's skates. Lacy also assigned herself the job of keeping the kids hydrated while they were playing, and she did a great job squirting water into their mouths (do you have any idea how complicated it is to drink from a water bottle when you have a helmet on?).

I love seeing the program come full circle--Lacy's a player, but she is also a leader for the younger generation of Dinomights. The program has been a huge part of our family's life since it began in 1995--Peter and Jesse were on the original team, I was one of the first girl players, Isaac played, Janaya, Lacy, and Tekle are all current players, and I'm sure someday Aaron will be out on the ice proudly wearing a Dinomight jersey too!